God in the little things

A high school friend lost her son to postoperative complications of orthopedic surgery last week.  He was nearly fourteen.  He'd been diagnosed soon after birth with a rare syndrome known as angelman or happy puppet.  He had been unable to speak or care for himself.  His parents had given him every advantage in this life.  He was always surrounded by friends, support groups, therapists, family, and often strangers as they travelled as a family. 

We were able to attend the "celebration" of his life.  Although we had not met the young man or even been close to my friend during the last fourteen years, we felt part of a bigger mission as we listened to their testimonies.  The young man had taught his family many lessons about warming others with a perpetual smile, loving unconditionally, hugging passionately, keeping account of those who were "missing" from his presence, and making friends everywhere he went- including Europe! 

I had wondered over the years if my friend would learn to draw close to Jesus while taking care of her son.  I never did talk to her about it.  Our family's Christmas letter and her family's Christmas letter were all the communication we had.  They were very different.  They seemed to be having great fun.  God blessed them again with two more children, a lovely new home, and three outstanding years in Italy.  No mention of the Lord's faithfulness.  I was left to wonder or even suppose that my friend was able to fulfill her role as the mother of a special needs child without God.  After hearing the testimonies of the parents, uncle and Grandfather, I knew it was God's strength.  They have been stellar parents.  Their love is amazing.  The dignity they demonstrated towards their child puts most parents to shame.  Whether they have acknowledged God is irrelevant.  God was there!  His fingerprints are all over their life. : )  My friends words were, "[Our son] taught us how to love unconditionally.  He loved everyone.  We can all learn from him."  That's Jesus.

Before I go further I have to confess.  Self-righteousness reared its ugly head:  I was called with the news of the tragic death by the mother of another classmate at his request.  He is the grieving mother's dearest lifelong friend.  He didn't have my number but his mom did.  I kept wondering why I was called.  Did my classmate think that I have something to offer that would bless the grieving family.  I wondered if it was Jesus...I was thankful to be included.  The entire episode would have passed me by unnoticed since I do not frequent the obituaries.  I assummed I would be able to somehow bless this family.  Hopefully I will.  But it wasn't during the funeral.

In short, the loving family, humble testimonies, and dignified treatment of the disabled, blessed me immensely.  When we headed for home, I was the one who'd been touched by Jesus' testimony through the son and their loving parental example.  There were so many things about them that did not indicate that they were likeminded with our family in daily practice however their love was clearly of a supernatural grade.  My words to the grieving family seemed unimportant and lost in a sea of much more helpful supporters.  My attendance seemed insignificant with so many gathered who are much closer to the deceased.

I still believed that God has a mission for me.  Of course I've been praying since I received the initial news.  I have barely thought of anything else.  I pray before bed, everytime I wake up at night, and so forth.  I don't want to underestimate prayer but I do want to do more.  I found a great book about surviving the loss of a child in the Christian bookstore. I'm praying about the timing of sending or personally delivering the book.  I promised my friend at the service that I would be around when everyone else had gone back to their normal lives.  I've never even been to her house.  So I am really praying about the timing of those "visits."  I've purchased two cards of encouragment/sympathy and I mailed one today.

A couple of nights ago I remembered that someone had given my mother in law a prayer shawl when her middle son died suddenly five years ago.  Apparently prayer shawl ministries are very popular in many churches.  I wasn't familiar with the idea and I hadn't even seen one.

I found myself at the fabric store with one of our daughters last Monday, so I started looking at yarn.  I noticed all the yarn was on sale but I didn't have any idea about how much to buy.  I called my mother in law on my cell phone and she told me as much as she remembered...I was praying the whole time wondering if a prayer shawl would bless my friend.  I walked back to a skein of yarn that had caught my attention initially.  The mixture of colors reminded me of a sweater she wore in highschool.  I bent over to take a closer look at it.  There was a photo of a lady wearing something knit around her shoulders.  Underneath her photo it said, free prayer shawl pattern inside label!!!  You could've knocked me over with a feather!  I have shopped for yarn probably four times a year for the last ten years or so.  I have never seen a prayer shawl pattern, booklet, example or anything.  There it was!  Does God answer prayer?  YES!  Was He communicating with me?  I think so.  I read the directions.  They were intended for beginners-ever better!  I bought the four skeins for a great price and started immediately. 

Over lunch I told all the children what had happened.  I told everyone I talked to on Monday.  Strangely by the evening it didn't seem so amazing.  It always happens like that:  God does something great and time causes me to forget how real it was or time provides plenty of time for rationalizing how it could've happened in a manner that has nothing to do with God. 

I choose to praise Him.

I don't know if my friend will think the shawl is corny.  I know I've been praying for her during most of the time I've been knitting for her.  God is honored.  I have sent her a note on facebook everyday either private or public and received no response.  Not necessary.  I am trying to minister to her.  Whenever my ego gets involved I will not be able to bless her and glorify God.  I know He is trying to mold me.  But I can feel those old insecurities that were so common in highschool.  "I'm stupid.  Others think my ideas are stupid.  They thing I'm a freak  We have nothing in common.  She doesn't want my brand of Christianity...." and so forth.  I have to keep focused on God.  I really want to be used by Him and maybe He's not going to make it easy for me.  In His strength I'm going to continue to try to bless this friend. 

Her situation makes me cry.  I cannot imagine her pain and feelings of loss.  I want to help.  I know only God can minister to that depth of pain.  I hope I am part of His plan.  I think He's listening.

To God be the glory.  Great things He has done!

Wanted: Steadfast, Immoveable, Always working female

The Lord works in mysterious ways.  This morning I had to laugh at His persistence in reaching me.

It has been a typical day for the most part.  Early this morning I was peacefully nursing our youngest, praying, and inviting God to show me what He wanted us to do in a certain situation.  It seemed that He had answered.  I had a new idea, that I thought was from the Lord, and I was excited to share it with my husband.  Then Disappointment arrived. We had a silly and frustrating conversation and for no apparent reason.  I never did discover whether he liked the "idea".  He left for work.  I felt deflated since we struggle so often to communicate well. Because of the pathetic course of irritations during our disagreement, I failed to regain that sweet ground that I'd been enjoying before our conversation.  

With my husband off to work, I tried to regain a sweet composure. Then the fights among the children started.  I tried to intervene in some.  Others I let go.  Little ones were refusing to allow their buddies to help them get ready for the day.  I was called to get involved, over and over and over again.

After all the howling ceased, we ate breakfast.  Then I read from our current "devotion" book.   Ironically it's a book about relationships between siblings called Making Brothers and Sisters Best Friends by Sarah Mally.  After removing the fussy baby from the kitchen where we read together, we tried to discuss our book.  Today the subject was compassion.  I am thankful for this book.  We need it so badly.

Then, the toddler who was allowed to leave the table early announced that the baby's diaper was stinky.  The seemed like a good time to stop reading and pray quickly.  After giving directions for breakfast cleanup and other chores and changing the diaper, I spent hours going around the house picking up clutter, straightening, and asking children to take responsibility for their stuff.  

At one point I was in the bathroom questioning why the cabinet was in disarray.  I just taken the toddler to the potty and was helping a little girl clean up her area.  Arguments were breaking out in other parts of the house.  I felt overwhelmed.  In frustration I said, "There are so many of you!!!".   I hope I didn't say that there are too many of them.  That would be ungrateful.  And I would never wish for there any one of them to not be part of our family.  But I was definitely sinking in the mire of hopelessness.  I sat on the toilet lid and stared into space.  It was a quiet place for the moment and I took advantage of it.  I felt badly for saying what I was thinking outloud.  But I wondered what to do with such yucky feelings...then the baby wandered back down the hall toward the bathroom where the door was open.  He said, "Ma", in his precious 13 month old voice.  Then he walked over and kissed me on my lap.

In my heart I told the Lord I was sorry for being irritated over having so many children to care for.  I realized that in order to have less children I would certainly not have the pleasure of knowing beautiful Joshua, our ninth, and most recent baby.  I tried to muster enough gratitude to move to a busier part of the house and get back to work.

Those thoughts quickly faded into the noise of another crisis in another room.  So I went back to chasing my tail...within the hour hopelessness crept in again.  I felt sad and overwhelmed.  I kept going through the motions of cleaning up and giving  instructions.  

I pulled everything out of a drawer that was long overdue for a cleaning.  I put everything on the counter and began wondering why and how each item had arrived in that particular place.  I kept most of my questions to myself.  (In our house we have a habit of saying outloud things like, "Why would someone decide that the Gorilla glue belongs in this drawer".) 

Then I saw the hot pink index card.  I recognized it from a batch that I had used over a decade ago in a ladies' prayer group that I once led.  I've never had any index cards in hot pink since, so I always know when I've stumbled  upon one out of that special group.  Back then I had only four children (sarcasm intended) and I was finding the end of my own capabilities for the first time in my life...the verses are so powerful so I never throw them away.   When I read it I could hardly believe that I don't already have that verse memorized.  Then I laughed outloud because I knew that only God could love me enough to send me that message, today, at that very moment.  I instantly understood that my Heavenly Father has been watching me and loving me all morning.  I am not alone and I am not without hope.  The verse won't change my life unless I keep it in the forefront of my mind.  My children don't know, or maybe even care, that I am running out of zeal for this occupation.  But God knows.  I hope He never stops sending me words, His Words of encouragment.  I need them so badly. 

Therefore, my beloved brethren, be steadfast, immoveable, always abounding in the work of the Lord, knowing your toil is not in vain in the Lord.                                          I Cor 15:58

The View from the Other Side

We had a thought provoking experience today at the blueberry patch.  I'm still wondering exactly how to document it.  It is mostly about how appearances do matter, atleast until you have the time to get to know someone and can really hear one's heart. 

Twice this year while out in public we noticed another family from afar and someone in our family has said quietly, "Look!  Homeschoolers!".  On both occasions we have recognized a group of people who are different from the general public either in dress, countenance, behavior, family size or a combination of even a couple of those characteristics.  We were seeing what others might have seen when looking at us.  It was a great opportunity for lively discussion about our appearance. 

We know that other people have thought or said the same about our family of eleven as we have marched through the mall, mostly clad in skirts and non-pop culture type clothing.  It is so obvious that the older ones often resist going out all together because they know people will be counting and staring.  They always get a great pep talk about how they should be proud and thankful for the family God has given us.  Better yet, they are reminded of what a great opportunty we have to speak about Jesus through our actions and our words because we know people might notice us, or engage us in conversation. 

Over the last couple of years our ideas about how we want to look has changed, however.  So while we might have been able to identify with the families that we saw in public, both today and a few months back, we weren't dressed like them and maybe didn't even stand out, as they did, from the crowds. As a result of our changes we have felt like undercover conservatives, or secret homeschoolers.  Especially since we didn't have but a small portion of our family on both outings, we really were able to fly under the "large family" radar and watch how other people responded to them.  Better yet, we could look at our own hearts and see how we responded to their appearances.

It was a strange feeling to not be the ones who folks might wrongly tag as "Amish, "Mennonite" or "Pentecostal".  We were wearing pants because it was really cold, or because we can't stand mosquitoes on these two particular days, but generally we do chose skirts or dresses for the females in our family.  We all hate the "tennis shoes with skirts" combination but have defnitely worn that before also.  Since we have been vacationing in the mountains twice a year for the last three years, we've been forced to acquire more practical clothing for outdoors and cold weather.  Full time skirt wearing is ok if you are always inside, never trying to exercise, or don't do any hard labor.  We've given it up.  But having said that, we feel nothing but compassion towards those who continue to dress that way all the time. 

We struggled constantly with ripped back kick pleats.  We hoarded knee socks when they were in style so that we would still have them for the next year of cold weather when no one would be selling or wearing them.  We could barely find comfortable, durable, good-looking shoes that could be worn with skirts, especially in the winter.  Changing diapers in the floor, or stretching exercises, were nearly impossible.  These days, we think it's easier to put on a skirt when we go out.  For an active home life or vacation, we choose clothing that suits our activity level.  We think that is pleasing to God.  And we still strive to keep all the clothing modest.  It's more work with pants, but God's family reputation is worth the effort. 

Our family has been shocked at the amount of attention our family draws. Our teen girls did not like being identified as "homeschoolers" just because they had skirts and simple outfits.  In fact, they have grown to reject the idea that their clothing has to been plain and culturally irrelevant.  I agree with them.  I too have abandoned the legalistic idea that wearing a skirt and large top is more godly than a more flattering outfit.  There is a fine line between dressing for the wrong sort of attention and choosing clothing that is complementary to the season in which we currently live.

For example, when I am pregnant, I strive to look my best.  Mostly I make this a priority because I do not want to portray motherhood as a burden.  Likewise,  I do not want young wives to think they have to give up feeling or appearing pretty in order to raise children.  God doesn't describe marriage and motherhood this way.  Fruitful vines, the wife of one's youth, graceful does, and so on, are not ugly word pictures for mature ladies.  I have been grateful for each new baby inside of me and God grants a special beauty and glow to most every pregnant lady. I think I glow with joy.  With each new pregnancy I have tried to make or buy (in thrift stores mostly) maternity clothing in colors that compliment my complexion.  I also avoid shapeless clothing.  This requires an honest assessment each time an outfit is worn since a pregnant woman's figure is constantly changing.  A once modest outfit can suddenly become inappropriate when a growth spurt hits.  But I do not mind the extra effort since I have had many experiences with my appearance as a mother of nine being  an encouragment to a young mom.  They say, "You don't look like you've had nine kids!"  I think that's good since apparently they don't expect a mother of many to look very good.  How sad is that?   What have Christian women throughout history done to make young people think that parenthood is ugly?  The most beautiful people I know are mothers of many children.  Maybe it's the blessing of God, supernaturally, or scientifically because estrogen has so many good properties; or it could be that mothers of many know that they will have to make an attempt to keep up a healthy appearance,therefore we take better care of ourselves.  Whatever the case, our appearance communicates with the next generation.  I think we should make the message in agreement with God's word:  children are a gift of the Lord.

Kendal and  Kelsey have done a fabulous job of making their own clothing.  They make adjustments on dresses to help them fit better and to be more modest than the original pattern can afford.  We still disagree on ocassion about a pair of jeans, or if a skirt should be worn instead of pants.  These are minor details and as a parent I know that getting to the heart of the matter is most important.  So we explore the reasons why they would choose one item over another.  I have found them to be very teachable in this area.  If they ever are not, I generally pull out the "Mom card" and insist that they follow my advice for as long as they are in our home.  : )  However, I try to keep us from drifting to that necessary and dreaded conclusion.

Back to today, we were all wearing long pants in the berry patch, even blue jeans.  Kelsey wondered if the skirt-clad family judged us as heathens, specifically her, as a young lady for wearing jeans.  We were both having many questions in our minds.  For example, the mother had a very young baby strapped to her chest with a fabric wrap and a nursing cover.  I have been that very patch with an infant strapped on my chest during atleast three summers.  In fact, this summer is the first time I have picked berries, while my youngest ones were at home.  I was in the patch today with four children ages 7-15!  The other mother didn't even seem to notice me.  Kelsey wondered if the other teenage girl thought anything of her.  I dare say that if our entire family had been there, we'd been in skirts, and my baby were strapped to my chest, we would've had a conversation with them.  We would've recognized our kinship.

I wondered how many times we mentally had dismissed other families who appeared to be small or more liberal than us...What does that mean?  Is it important?  We talk to all sorts of folks.  We certainly never confine our friendliness with strangers only to other large families.  In fact, Bob and I are both drawn to older couples, young couples, single young adults,...we love to talk to anyone God puts in our paths.  But admittedly, we have a keen interest in those who seem to be "like" us.  Most large family members are curious about the inner workings of other large families, or homeschoolers and so they seek one another out.
 
It was funny that the other family had parked next to our minivan.  I only wish I had the bumper sticker that I have always wanted to make saying: my other vehicle is a 15 passenger van.  The other family had a 12 passenger and five or six children.  : )  They were feeling large.  We understood their situation better than they knew.  While we were all buying our berries their two year old fell in the ditch and cried.  Boy!  Could we relate.  Had our three year old been there everyone in the patch would've known his name.  Instead we kept hearing them call her name, "Noel!"  It was such an "outside looking in" sort of experience.

There is much to be said here about not judging others, not focusing on outward appearances, and not being bound by or judgmental about legalistic characteristics.  It's not even fair to assume that someone who wears skirts with tennis shoes in a berry patch is legalistic about dressing a certain way.  I can conclude however that how we dress is just as important as how we act.  Even if our clothing is only the reason for someone talking to us or stereotyping us, it is being used as a vehicle for communication.  We should be careful about what we are saying with our clothing choices and be even more careful about what we decide about others based upon their choices.

I think legalism, rebellion and apathy are equally evil.  We should dress to honor God, please our husbands/dads, respect and protect the opposite gender from purposeful temptation, and to maintain an honorable reputation on behalf of any group with which we associate.  Always avoid even the appearance of evil.  Likewise, the maintenance of a clear conscience will provide a joyful countenance which over rules all types of clothing.  The joy of the Lord is so rarely seen in a public place.  All are drawn to it.  People wonder why someone is so happy.  It's a mystery to many.  Unhappy people in legalistic type dress create confusion and doubt about their assumed religion.  Jesus followers have reason to be the happiest people on the planet.  So a smile, or a cheerful countenance, is still is, by far, the best clothing choice.

Zoo

Today I took the six youngest children to the zoo.  Bob met us there during his lunch break.

We all love to watch the prarie dogs (behind us).   They had a lot of babies to see this time.

Bob and I posing as orangutans.  The real ones look so very sad.  On this day the smaller one (female?) was sleeping under a piece of fabric with only her face showing.

Joshua enjoyed the new water spouts near the gibbon and tiger exhibits.  These are a great idea for hot summer days!

Joy, Anna, Noah and Mary posing as otters.  Cute!

Yes, these are our favorites!

Back home...

It's our sweet one year old baby in the tree.

Summer Vacation

It seems that my blogging is now quarterly.  : )  That's ok.  I'm thankful I made it through today and mostly with a smile on my face.  It was busier than any day I can remember in awhile. 

We've just returned from ten days of vacation in the beautiful mountains of Virginia.  We revisited our favorite place in Floyd County and then travelled a couple of hours to Smith Mountain Lake.  We celebrated two family birthdays and a wedding during our stay in Floyd. 

This was our first trip out on our new rubber boats.  We filled both boats with air, and then filled them both with children and life jackets.  The little private lake on our friends' property in Floys was the perfect place to get acquainted with our new purchases.  Most of the children became expert rowers/boaters during the week.

Bob and I took the youngest boaters with us.  Anna, Noah and Joshua are  in this photo with me.  The older ones have their own boat.

While we ran around taking "engagement photos" for Carrie and Brian we asked for a quick one of us at the "campground" on the Floyd property.  It is a plush area surrounded by trees and the creek.  It's always cool and a great get away from it all!

It was such a wonderful night at Chateau Morrisette with my husband, mother, stepdad, sister, her fiance, and the couple who owns the Floyd property.  We celebrated my stepdad's birthday with a delicious meal, gorgeous mountain scenery and hours of laughter.  It was exactly what my sister and I had hoped for when we planned this surprise over two months before.  Since our stepfather was diagnosed with colon cancer last spring and had since then endured chemo, radiation and surgery, we were thrilled to be with him.  We had missed an entire year of his life and were grateful to have him back.

This is Buck and Darlene.  They own the cabin in Floyd and vacation with us there twice a year.  They are the most generous and kind folks that we know.  We've adopted them as a fourth set of grandparents.

 This the the view from the Chateau Morrisette towards Buffalo Mountain.  The restaurant is basically on the Blue Ridge Parkway.

 Mom, Bill, Bob, me, Carrie (my sister) and Brian before dinner.

The next day my sister was married to Brian at the lake by the cabin.  They had agreed upon a simple outdoor wedding and it was perfect.  Weddings are much more fun when you can spend the morning fishing, four-wheeling and creek exploring.

This our family with Mom and Bill, Carrie and Brian, and Brian's children, Vivian and Dylan

 

Sunday was our precious Joshua's first birthday.  We basically played all day outside, gave him gifts randomly to keep him happy outdoors and ate icecream in his honor after dinner.  He LOVED all the singing and clapping when we lit his candle and sang "Happy Birthday".  We were all laughing and clapping.  It was the most joyful birthday.  It was especially great that Mom and Bill were there to celebrate it with us and to bless our little Joshua too!

On Monday, when all the other families were gone, we enjoyed a lazy day with Mom and Bill.  We ended it with smores and worship around the firepit.  The sky was more beautiful than a painting as the sun set.  The bullfrogs croaked in the lake.  We all slipped off to bed with our bellies and hearts full.

 Joshua loved the hammock.  It was easy babysitting for the person who was in it with him. : )

Bob caught Mom licking every finger in an attempt to rid them of melted marshmallows.  It's a smores-related dilemma.

We were sad when my parents left but we did enjoy our time alone at the cabin too.  We truly vacationed...we lounged in the sun on the lake, fished more, took a family ride on the four wheelers using a trailer behind us and closed out another day with a prayer by the fire.

I was lazily lying in the boat when Daniel offered to row me around the lake.  How could I turn him down?  We jumped off at the dam and visited the spillway.  We stood in the middle of the rushing water and enjoyed the awesome sound!




 Bob, Kendal and Isaac took the paddle boat out for a ride.

We really enjoyed these rubber boats we bought this year.  We paddled them all over Buck's lake and then at Smith Mountain lake in our little cove.  They were so comfortable and perfect for exploring the shores and lake bottom.  Being that close to the water while not tipping over is a rare treat.  All of the children were safe in these boats.  They also enjoyed jumping out of them to swim.

We were so very sad to leave the cabin in Floyd.  But the three days that followed at Smith Mountain Lake did not disappoint.  The lakehouse and the weather were wonderful.  My dad visited us there with his boat and fixed a fried fish dinner for us.  The children fished and boated all day with him.  In the evening Susan, my stepmom, joined us and even brought Christmas gifts for our family.  Christmas in June can be fun!

Anna caught the biggest blue gill off of the dock at the lake.  All of the children caught many fish and some, like Joy, caught their first on SMlake.




 The dock at the lake house was a great source of fun for fishing, swimming and boating. 

Hesitant to leave the beautiful water and rolling hills of the western part of our state, I pleaded for a side trip to a place called "The Falls" just nine miles south of Crewe,Va.  We had to hike a ways through tick-laden weeds, but it was worth it.  The water level was clearly lower than usual but the falls were great.  We stayed there for a couple of hours and hope to go again another day.

Kendal with Joshua at The Falls




Sitting on a log by the Falls while Joshua nursed.  We really needed to get back to driving home but no one wanted to leave!  Kendal had just lost a flip flop (whick Isaac saved) and falled in the mud. : ( 

April

Will I ever find the time to journal, scrapbook, or blog regularly? Doubtful. However, I can rejoice in the fact that I have made time to enjoy many things this spring...

We've joined the zoo and already been twice. Another visit is being planned now. We've walked at the aboretum three mornings in two weeks. I've walked the neighborhood nearly every night. We've been to a nearby park today. We've planted a spring garden. The boys have been watering new grass in our yard, twice a day. (Some of our dirt has been replace with grass! Yeah!) We visited my grandfather, who lives an hour away, finally. (We always avoid his house if there is any chance we have a family germ since he is over eighty. So it's been a long time since we've been all well- for certain.) I've taken close to a hundred "portraits" of our nearly three year old son, in hopes of capturing one that can be enlarged and framed for his grandmother's collection. I think today we were finally successful! I've made two dresses for a friend and started an outfit for Joshua. I hand pleated it and will eventually smock it. I even made dinner last night (normally Kelsey blesses us with her cooking) and have eeven read a few books. I've been doing alot of bible research with commentaries, dictionaries, teaching CDs and the like. I definitely feel "full". So, that's why my scrapbooking is over a year behind and my blog looks abandoned. Besides, I'd rather read Resolved to Worship's blog and adore her gorgeous photos than post my own.  In keeping with tradition and in hopes that I will enjoy one day looking back over my entries, I'll post a few photos. : )

Noah will be three next week.  Capturing him has been a week-long task. He looks like a professional here and he should be.  This was the last of about seven photo shoots this week!!!  Ha!

The best way to have fun with the family is to put Joshua in the Ergo and hope it's soon his naptime.  It has been such a blessing.  And I love to feel him go limp on my chest as he's fallen into a precious slumber.  When he's awake he chews on the strap. : )  Or tries to flip out backwards.  Adding his twenty pounds to my walk is probably good for me too.  I have many thoughts about being in this season of motherhood for eighteen years now.  Most of them are sweet, and ultimately grateful.

Every one of our babies has a framed photo on our mantel and it's time for Joshua's.  I think this one will do.

Here are 7 of 9 at the zoo.  I think Kendal stayed home this time to do schoolwork and Joshua was in the stroller or Ergo with me.  Noah's wearing a shirt that says, "Good Boy".  We make him wear it often to remind him and us! : )

I don't usually get a good shot of Daniel and Isaac.  I love this one from today.  They are hard-working boys and they really bless our family in many ways!

 This is everyone with my maternal grandfather, Grandpap.  Check out Noah.  He's just being himself-rarely conforming.  Grandpap asked me how I can keep from losing one of the children...I didn't have the clarity of mind to come up with an answer.  But I'm thinking now that the answer should have been - God.  What else?

Childtraining, continued...

At breakfast I try to have a bible study followed by prayer time each week day. We pray in a circular fashion. Our nearly three year old has been interrupting other family members' turns with his own prayers. That caused us to finally give him a turn too. Now when it is his time to pray I try to coach him. If I don't, we will be listening to hundreds of repeats of all the prayers he's heard before. It sounds innocent enough. Unfortunately he asks for people to "come to know You" who already know Jesus, and so forth. I think he needs some direction.

Recently I decided to make the most of the opportunity and have him pray for himself. He has been quite headstrong and very challenging to train, thus far. That means his days are full of tribulation. I asked him to copy my words in prayer. I usually try to suggest praying that he will be obedient, come when we call him, not cry about having to go to the potty, and so forth.

Twice recently I have said, "Please help me to obey today". So he prayed, "please help Mommy to obey today!" I repeated the prayer several different ways, but no matter what I'd said, it was always the same when he prayed: "Please help Mommy to obey today." Alright, maybe I needed those prayers and I'll have to resort to praying for him myself. But the good news is that he has been listening to our prayers. He copies them perfectly. He is the one who cries to potty, stands up in his chair, refuses his breakfast, demands toys, so I'm wondering how he heard anything over top of himself??? It's a good reminder for Mommy to keep obeying God and train them up in the way they should go no matter how disinterested and unaffected they appear on the outside.

Thirteen Year Project Nearly Complete

When I woke up this morning to the sound of the front door closing I thought it was my husband leaving early for work. Minutes later I noticed the clock read "630". Then I remembered that our firstborn was working today at 630am and hoped that what startled me was the sound of her leaving on time. But I hadn't reminded her to set her alarm. I also hadn't heard her in the bathroom getting ready. I never crept in the kitchen to make sure she'd remembered to take her vitamins or eat a good breakfast. Did she really leave without me doing anything for her? Has she really grown up so much that I do not need to "help" her anymore. Really?

I suppose I'm very relieved, thankful and a little surprised. When she isn't working, and she's just a part of the larger group of our children at home, I mostly treat her like them. Not because I want to hold her back, but because she still needs alot of reminders to do the "family things the family way." So although I would like to pronounce her an adult and never treat her like a child again, I am reminded that it is a process. Now I have to mention there are numerous skills in which she excels; Bible memorization, special projects, sewing, music, and earning/saving money, to name only a few. What is most impressive is that I have not struggled with her at all in this one area -her schoolwork. She has been the perfect homeschool student. Better yet, this particular work of hers, mine, and ours, is nearly complete!!! Applause. Applause.

She will be graduating this year. I have homeschooled her since...well, since the day she was born. She has been a stellar student. When she was four and I forced myself to take on a teacher role that I was not comfortable with (dramatizing phonics in K4), and she hated it. Phew! I was thinking, "You mean you don't want me to do all the activities that are in the teacher's manual?" We had been instructed to crawl under the table together for who-knows-what now. Basically she said, "Can I just do the workbook pages, Mom?" I can remember thinking, "Is is really going to be this easy?" I won't have to read the script. We aren't going to dramatize every day's work before you do it? Indeed it was easy. She completed the entire workbook in a matter of days. So, I put in her in K5 the next week. : ) She has consumed dozens of workbooks since then. She wanted them!

For thirteen years. She did every assignment. We moved away from workbooks as she grew older, of course. Thankfully, the most difficult task I've had as her teacher was making the decisions about what curriculum to use. I never took it lightly. I prayed, researched, and toiled for months every spring. Ultimately, I was so confident in the materials that we'd purchased, I never looked back and never changed mid-year. It worked. She was self-taught.

At many crucial points I decided not to make her take a separate course in certain traditional subjects such as spelling and grammar. I was experimenting somewhat with the idea that children who read quality literature can become skilled in language arts without separate workbooks and lessons. We also had chosen to use a literature based history program every year. Therefore, I suspected she would be steeped in literature that would ultimately teach her how to write and spell through exposure to "the right way". I didn't invent that idea. There are many names for teaching language arts without using workbooks.

I also didn't push for a foreign language. I know this is expected of college bound students. Afterall, I took four years of French. I even took the French achievement test, sending me into French 201 in my first year of college, and it ruined my GPA for the duration of my four years. I wasn't that good at French. Clearly. And I've never used it except to impress my children. ; ) I asked our daughter to choose a foreign language and bought a text for it, but I never pressed her to do it each day. She chose how much to learn. I knew she could take more classes at a community college if she really needed them.

At sixteen she tested "out" of the K-12 spelling program that I had abandoned when she was six! Over the span of ten years she had learned how to spell enough words that she exceeded the twelvth grade level. Amazing!

Did she miss something important? Based upon our recent experience with the IOWA, CLEP and SAT prep exams, the answer, in our situation has been a resounding, "No". Praise God. That's what I suspected, for this student. I'm not advocating it for all students, even my own. But during the process I talked to my husband about my ideas for her, prayed about them, and ultimately went with my suspicions with his approval. It worked! She is not handicapped. Clearly.

She is very practical and logical and eventually became sensitive to doing "busy work". I could rarely justify making her do anything that seemed to have to no bearing on her future success. Now that she's excelled on three (practice) standardized tests, she's asked if she can abandon the grammar part of her senior year book. Of course I asked for her reasons and then carefully considered the potential impact of letting her "skip" this segment of education about I-don't-really-know-what. If she wanted to be an English teacher I'd have to make her do it. But she doesn't. So I enjoyed, for one last time, making a practical decision, on her part, about her high school education and agreed with her.

She is still working very hard on all the subjects she has left to complete. She also works twenty-four hours at week at her job, often starting at 6:30am. She continues to practice the piano and guitar. She is still required to perform certain chores in our home. And we always want her to join our family in mealtime, worship, play and church. We are grateful that she still wants to do (most of) those things with us. (We still have her heart, but that's a topic for another day.) So her schedule is packed.

She's been praticing CLEP tests for math, chemistry and language arts. If she takes them she'll earn college credit for what she already knows. But she hasn't decided to pursue college yet. And she might not. On her practice exams she's proven that she can pass and earn the credit right now on college math and English composition. With a little studying she'd pass the chemistry exam too. That would be nearly equivalent to one semester of college. That is wonderful! That would save her over nine hundred dollars on those three classes alone.

Yesterday she took a practice SAT. She's studied for one or two days recently. She earned a score of nearly 2000!!! She out scored me by 100 points on both math and language arts. I am not surprised. I am thrilled! There are many great colleges who expect scores like hers, including my alma mater. Of course, these days one must write an essay and she did well on that too. Not knowing what a "good score" was, she had decided that she should atleast achieve 2000. I think she missed it by 10 points. So she'll be polishing her writing skills and practicing again before May. She'll do it. And I'll be so proud of her.

I am looking forward to seeing her official homeschool highschool transcript with all of her credits, excellent GPA, and impressive SAT score. I think I'll frame a copy of it to encourage myself during the next seventeen years of homeschooling. : ) Afterall, I've never had a report card as a teacher. We've never really known if our standards for our homeschool would measure up to any external standards for education. It was a rational guess that it would work. Mostly, it was a faith walk.

Truthfully, the most credit must be given to our Heavenly Father who has heard all of my pleas for wisdom in homeschooling. I have taken every doubt to Him. I have abandoned the temptation to fear man and the "system" over and over, in order to make a decison for my child. I have known in my head that I could not ruin an obviously intelligent and independent learner. But God has spoken to my heart and given me confidence in His ways. We started homeschooling for many reasons, but we kept homeschooling so that we could follow the leading of the Holy Spirit in every area of our children's lives, including their education. This summer or fall, upon my daughter's graduation, we will praise Him and rejoice that He has been faithful.

My Favorite Things at the Dollar Store

I am amazed at some of the things you can find at the Dollar Store. Of course, there are no guarantees that you will find the same things every time you shop there, but here's my

Top Ten List:

1) Pregnancy tests (atleast four of my children are living proof that the tests are accurate)

2) Gift Bags

3) Stationery (right now they have plain white ones with a single gold or silver initial on the front of the folded card-very classy)

4) Birthday Balloons (mylar, choose one already inflated, or customize)

5) Frozen Blueberries (not organic, but $1 for 10 ounces. Can I have the case?)

6) Kitchen Broom

7) Organic Raisins

8) Organic Spaghetti Sauce

9) Batteries

10) Coloring and sketching books (I'm very selective)

Tim Hawkins (our favorite comedien) sings a song about the dollar store to the John Denver tune, "Thank God I'm a Country Boy". I wanted to post it here but couldn't find it. If curious, you can google it, I'm sure. We think it's great!~

What I'm Reading-Our God is Not Silent

Our life has been so drastically shaped by the books we've read over the last twenty years. As I nursed the baby this morning, I mulled over the stack of books on my nightstand, and remembered the books we've been reading outloud, the ones that Bob has been reading alone and the one we've vowed to start together this week. We are very rich in knowledge. God has blessed us indeed. Since all of my favorite books have been recommended by friends, I've decided that it's worth my time to share mine on this blog in hopes of returning the favor!

Of course the top of the stack is my palm-sized Bible. Bob purchased this for me so that I could read as I nurse or in my bed. It is hard to juggle a baby and a large Bible. This one has worked for me. Thankfully I am able to read it nearly every day. I prefer to hide for an hour and dig really deeply into a certain book, but I don't always make time for that luxury, so one thoughtful chapter is the norm. I underline and make notes in this bible. I love it!

A book not in the photographed stack, but well read, is Nancy Campbell's 100 Days of Blessing, Vol 1. A sweet friend gave it to me for Christmas and I love it!!! Nancy Campbell of Above Rubies Ministry has been encouraging my soul as a mother for years! A portion of her email devotions have been published into this book and I am able to enjoy them much more in this format. On those days that I do not get a meaty course from my Bible, I have been reading one or more of Nancy's devotions. They are better that B vitamins for moms! She is such an encourager. The book is on sale through Above Rubies this month for ~$10. I highly recommend it if you need an easy daily reminder of the eternal significance of your role as a mother. By the way, my copy was in the kitchen when I photographed "my stack" since I have been reading some entries to our children at breakfast, and to myself one day after I barely survived breakfast. ; )

The same wonderful friend and her husband gave us Common Deceptions That Destroy Marriage Oneness by Mike and Connie Walsh this weekend. (I must thank this friend again. Look what an impact her friendship is having in my life) If I could recommend ONE book to every married couple, and especially newlywed Christians, it would be this one. Although Bob and I are going to read it together, I've already skimmed 90% of it. If only I could turn back time and have this book at the start of our marriage...We are going to be so blessed by reading this together! Mike and Connie have (atleast 10 children) and minister to couples within and without the Bill Gothard seminars. Many strongholds of the Devil will be torn down by the simple understanding of the Bible truths as presented in this book. Divorce rates will plummet as couples becomer wiser in the handling of their precious marriages after reading this.

Heaven is for Real is written by a pastor and the father of a four year old who experienced heaven. Todd Burpo has the wonderful experience of unwrapping the gift of a view of heaven that most all of us have yet to see. It is purely biblical and has been a joy to read together as a family. Someone shared during my husband's mens' group about this book and Bob bought it that same day and started reading aloud, just like our friend has been doing. We've already told him how much we love it. Thanks again for the idea, Steve!

I'm not reading Preparing to be a Help Meet by Debi Pearl really for me. However, it has taught me alot. Kendal, Kelsey and I have read it more than once each. Our family hosts a young ladies night once a month for older teen girls in our church family. We were inspired by the Pearls to provide a fun place for our young adults to fellowship. After a couple of months of warming up to one another I suggested that we study this book. If you aren't married yet, hope to ever get married or know an unmarried fourteen year old or older, I highly recommend this book! It is a must read for all of our daughters. Our group has been so blessed by reading and discussing this book together, moms and unmarried daughters. Debi Pearl has also written Created to be His Help Meet. It resides nearby in my nightstand drawer. It is for married women and the tone is much more serious and not always so friendly. She means business. I have learned so very much from Debi Pearl. If Created... scared you, try Preparing... first. They are both priceless in this age where Titus 2 "older women" are scarce.

8 Kingdoms by Michael Pearl has changed the way our family reads the Bible. Our understanding has increased immensely. We think every Christian should have to read this book, especially Bible teachers. Bob has been reading it aloud for a few weeks to us all. Kendal and I read it alone first and our raving tempted him to enjoy it too. It is primarily about the difference between the Kingdom of God and the Kingdom of Heaven. I wish I'd read it much earlier in my walk. The passages that lead up to explaining the terms are especially interesting. Michael's biblically based explaination about creation, Satan, and the quest for kingdom dominance is captivating and indisputable.

Also by Michael Pearl is By Divine Design. This book was just part of a package deal. I wanted another copy of the 8 Kingdoms and ended up with three other books of Michael's because of the great sale. I definitly don't regret that decision. By Divine Design is an easy read for those who have random questions about suffering, God's providence and much more. I am amazed at Michael's ability to string all of the seemingly unrelated questions together in a manner that points unwaveringly to a Divine Designer. Here's my summary: The way things are, is the way they have to be, in order for God to be the God he claims to be in His Word! It's amazing! If you know a doubter, or just a young person who needs to be able to defend himself, I recommend this book. The ministry of Michael and Debi Pearl is called No Greater Joy. You will find child training, bible teaching, evangelism and many other tools. They have a free newsletter and a worldwide gospel ministry. They are the most influential couple in our family's life.

My Utmost for His Highest by Oswald Chambers has been my favorite devotion for over a decade. My copy is well worn and loved. We gave a leather-bound version to our seventeen year old for her birthday because I think it is so impactful for a maturing Christian.

Elizabeth Elliot is also well-loved. The first couple of times I picked up Let Me Be a Woman I could not understand why it is a favorite. Later I grew to love it. This proves again that in the right season understanding will come. If it is not the right time, even great information can fall on deaf ears, or in this case, unseeing eyes. Ms. Elliot conveys basic truths about being a biblical woman in the format of letters to her grown daughter, who is engaged. Her insights into marriage and men were most memorable to me.

The Chronological Guide to the Bible by Thomas Nelson Publishing is a reference guide. When I decided to read through the OT last year I was determined to understand the history and timeline as I read along. I was off to a good start when Joshua was born. I'll have to pick it up again later. This book is a great help.

Praise Her In the Gates is another gem by Nancy Wilson. Her writing is clear and biblical. This book is on the subject of motherhood. For those who are new to the ideas of raising children for God, homeschooling, disciplining, valuing relationships and such, this book is a great basic guide. We used it last year in our women's monthly meetings after Sunday worship while the men studied their own "manual". It's probably time to make sure I read every chapter and retire it to the bookshelf.

Read, Obey and Succeed was written by a single Asian woman who is a pastor and an adoptted mother to a young, military mother at our church. The author was left at the marriage altar twice by men who said that God told them not to marry her so that she could continue to minister as a pastor to others. This tugs at my ol' Southern Baptist (legalistic) roots but the full story, as told by my friend, is supernatural and clearly of God. The fruit in the author's life is evident and I am blessed to have this complex work of hers to use as a my concordance. I'll also admit that this gift knit my heart to the giver. She was fairly new to our church. We were the first family to welcome them. But as she grew more comfortable I resisted reaching out to her. She has child-like faith and is more expressive than me in most everything. My own insecurities caused me to conveniently not invest in getting to know her, until she gave me the gift-the book. When I approached her after Christmas to thank her, I watched her eyes as she told me the story of the author. Then I asked more and more questions. As I listened intently, the Lord softened my heart towards her, His child. Indeed, as the Proverbs state, she had won me over with her gift, and I was blessed by getting to know her better. I may always keep this book on my nightstand, if only to keep myself humble and to remind me that I do not have the luxury of intentionally not loving anyone that God puts in my path!!! God disciplined me gently this time. I might not be so fortunate if there is another.

I wish I had a snapshot of the stacks of books that have lived on my bedside tables over the last twenty years. It has been different every year , always impactful and obviously from the Lord. He blesses us in many ways. Our God is not silent!

Happy New Year!

It happened again. Many weeks have passed. Many wonderful moments and thoughts have occurred. Again, I have no idea how to recall them. But I am determined to try. : )

I was glad to get our Christmas letter and family photo completed and at the post office on Christmas Eve day. Every year around Thanksgiving I think about our family letter and I threaten not to write one because it becomes all consuming and sometimes seems pointless. I put it off until the week of Christmas this year.

Deep down I really believe that writing a letter to tell the praises of the Lord from our family's view is priceless. On the other hand, I wonder how much impact such a letter can have on people who know us and who are mostly saved.

When I look back over the letters from the last eleven years I cannot keep myself from weeping tears of gratitude. And that is why I continue to write them. God has been faithful to our family. Day to day can seem long and unfruitful. But the overview from year to year is beautiful. God is weaving a lovely tapestry with our lives intertwined with the lives of others. That makes it worth writing about.

Instead of ordering photocards, I saved the money and made our own collage on Picasa and had it printed in multiples. We used the second collage below, but I really liked them both. Honestly, there were many drafts. After many remakes I narrowed it down to these two. The snow made a nice background for the individual photos. The girls put snow in their hair since it had just stopped when I came out with the camera and they liked the effect.
The message in the middle is: Rejoicing in Emmanuel, The Butler Family 2010

Unfortunately our holiday was full of family illness. Mild. Yet continuously recycling. We didn't have any plans to travel or really visit anyone, but it was a disappointment to be completely quarantined. "Why can't we have a normal Christmas?" was one child's question. I had to remind her that hanging out at home reading Christmas stories, eating, listening to music and opening gifts is normal. We've done many different things at Christmas, but generally we spend the Day together at home. The young adults in our home think that everything has to be shared with friends or extended family in order to be special. We are trying to instill gratitude for our everyday blessings.

Reading Jotham's Journey, Tabitha's Travels, or Bartholomew's Passage during the Advent season has become our one sustaining tradition. It continues to be exciting and meaningful. I highly recommend all three books. You can only read one at a time and even if you reread them, there are enough lessons for the listeners to last a lifetime.

We were thankful to find a nice tree on Black Friday to replace our last artificial tree. Bob was so very sweet and manly to buy it at O dark o'clock on a great sale! He's my hero. He took Kendal to work at 5:45 and made it to Garden Ridge by six and then to work.

I don't like artificial trees at all but it really is nice to get a tree out of the attic versus lugging it home in the rain every year. Saving the $40 is important too. Last year we didn't have a tree at all and the children really balked. I don't blame them. I was pregnant and just didn't really want to do all the work, nor spend the money. They claimed it didnt' feel like Christmas. (Much later in the year they said they didn't really like having gifts of mechanical pencils and underwear either and that generally it was not a good Christmas.) Rather than being offended or shocked, I tried to make improvements this year. A new 9 foot tree was a good start.

Bob and the children assembled the tree and decorated it themselves! I nursed Joshua. I took some pictures. I played the Christmas tunes. I am thankful that I no longer need to organize every branch and ornament.

This past Saturday Bob and the children put it all away while I nursed the baby! I love this even more! I came out from our room and the den was cleared of it all! I am letting go of many areas of control. Now I wonder where I found the energy to run everything in the past! It is so wonderful to eat a meal that I didn't cook. I love opening my drawers to find clean clothes that I didn't put away. Enjoy a room that I didn't clean.

I am still very busy!!! It's a different sort of busy though. I used to perform all the manual labor of raising a family and cleaning house (except for being the sole breadwinner, of course). I also used to be the only disciplinarian and cook. And so on...I am still nursing a baby six to eight times a day. Training a two year old to obey. Keeping a four year old busy and content. Teaching primary school grades. Organizing our menus. Washing/drying our clothes. Managing all the stuff. Teaching Morning bible study after breakfast. Music lessons. Art lessons. Sewing lessons. Knitting lessons. Computer lessons. Now I've added highschool courses. Career counseling. Premarital courses. Chauffeur. And so forth.

It's less physical and much more mental. I sit more yet I am more likely to feel overwhelmed or discouraged. I've concluded that youth has some benefits. Zeal and enthusiasm are two perfect examples. I had a seemingly endless supply while our first four or five children were coming along. Sadly with that zeal comes a desire to control everything and that equals doing practically everything. I've mellowed. I'm glad. I haven't lowered my standards, atleast not the important ones. Hopefully my family feels more grace and less tension. I am sure my extended family used to think I was really uptight and a perfectionist. If I was, I am not not anymore. And Christmas is nicer because of it. So are family relationships and family vacations. I'm going to try to find more areas to let go of this year.

My focus for 2011 is to LOVE LIKE CHRIST! Of course it will take a lifetime to perfect but I'm going start now. More on other goals for 2011 next time...