Raising Adults, Not Children

Bob and I are first generation homeschooling parents, just like many of our friends. To our family and friends, who don't run in the same circles, read the same media, or listen to the same sermons, it seems like we are pioneers in an unknown territory. But realistically, there are hundreds, perhaps thousands of families who started schooling at home in the 70's and 80's, far ahead of us. Their children are now grown and they have families of their own. However the largest boom of homeschooling did start in the early 90's. Many of those students have since graduated highschool and college, and have families of their own. The academic results are in, no contest, homeschooling/tutoring one on one, surpasses, and at the least, equals government education success. But we are more interested in how the homeschoolers fair as grown-ups in God's kingdom and by biblical standards.

Our ears perk-up at the sound of an adult, former homeschooler's story being told. We are so curious to see how this all turns out. We are hoping that our efforts will pay off. We have many dreams. Mostly, we hope that keeping our children out of the world, for the most part, when they are very young, will help them to learn the basics of biblical living. As they mature, and begin in interact with others, outside of our home, we hope they will be able to discern God-honoring behavior from the habits of sinners. Ultimately, we hope they will choose to serve the Lord with their very lives-as salt and light in a dark world.

Thankfully, folks like Mike and Debi Pearl at No Greater Joy Ministries, among many other things, are collecting information from homeschool graduates and their families, and reporting in their newsletter about the good, bad and the ugly. I cannot say enough about how their "Jumping Ship" series (now a book) has helped us at just the right time. And this month, their first installment, in a series of articles about the outcomes of homeschooling, was right on. We don't always agree with everything they write, and they wouldn't want us to. But overall, our family has been strengthened more by their example than any other individual ministry.

We have noticed that there are many bandwagons that a homeschooling family can jump aboard. Bob and I are constantly sifting through the latest idea about things like what we should eat, wear, teach or let our children do. We need the wisdom that only God can give. Otherwise we are doing no better than our counter-parts, who send their children to school, where the latest trends are honored rather than seeking what is best for each child.

Pulling children out of school, church and community activities for various God-inspired reasons can be good and even make life a little easier than before. But figuring out how to let them go into the world and gradually test their own faith without getting perverted or victimized along the way is tougher.

Then there's the issue of the unique needs of a large family; once the oldest children are old enough to start doing things without Mom and Dad, they are so desperately needed at home with the little ones, that Mom feels she can't afford to send them out! This is where Mike Pearl's article above really helped me this week. We have to treat them as individuals without reinforcing the worldly concept of individualism. This is a fine balance. All children want to be treated as if no one else exists in the world. That is the selfish behavior that the Bible says no Christian should exhibit. Sometimes, well-meaning onlookers act as though our children are being neglected somehow, because there are eight of them. Bob and I (coming from smaller families) agree that their lives are richer because our house is full. It isn't easy, but it forces all of us to submit to God's way. Without adherence to a (perfect) "higher standard" and eternal perspective, our family would self-destruct. We believe in the long run our grown children will be more willing to serve the Lord because of their disciplined home life.

Kendal is nearly fifteen and she is our eldest child. She has never been on a retreat or trip of any sort without her parents. On a couple of occasions she stayed with my mother or Bob's mother overnight, along with her sister. That was years ago. She doesn't have a piano teacher or youth leader. In fact, except for her friends and their parents at church, no one contributes to her daily life except her siblings, father and I. Until today that is...

When I found out my mother was going to be in town this week, I started to wonder if Kendal could or should spend some time with her grandparents alone. Ultimately, Bob, Mom and I agreed that she could go home with Mom today. Mom and Bill live seven and one-half hours from here! We aren't planning to see her until our family takes vacation near their home in three weeks! It's been a very prayerful issue and we are all looking forward to whatever the Lord will do during this special time. Kendal knew nothing of our discussions and only had two days notice. She was thrilled. She packed everything for herself, of course. If she had any concerns, they were about missing little Noah. She has promised to write Kelsey and try to post here on our blog. After she left, I found a note to her daddy and me, thanking us for giving her such an opportunity!

My mother and I are the best of friends. She understands our standards and clearly supports us. If we thought she would work against our purposes, this trip would not be wise. She and Bill will be a blessing to Kendal.

We also have the challenge of explaining to the other children, and possibly Kendal when she returns, that we are not changing to a frenzied life of sending out our children in shifts to stay with anyone. This is the first trip of many, but they will be carefully chosen by Bob and I until our children each reach adulthood. Again, we will have to depend upon God to help us discern what activities will be fruitful in their spiritual lives. And ultimately, when we have more teens than children in our house, we will just have to give in to a new season of life, where everyone will not always be home together...

I realize many parents would read this and think we are very extreme and have sheltered too much. However, we maintain confidence in the fact that God chose us to be their parents and therefore we know, or will discover, what is best for our children. We may have made some mistakes along the way, but we believe our family is better off at this point, since we have the privilege of granting new freedoms that are appreciated, rather than taking away poorly chosen ones. We'll be proceeding with great care and prayer!

Here's the link to the article I mentioned above: www.nogreaterjoy.org/articles/child-training/parent-child-relations/article-display/archive////cloistered-homeschool-syndrome/?tx_ttnews%5BbackPID%5D=7