As Time Goes By

It doesn't feel like 17 1/2 years have passed since we first learned that we would soon become parents. However, all the signs are here that we have aged quite a bit since the eighties and nineties...

The young man is the son of our favorite Sunday school teacher from years ago. Since our teens don't date, or flirt (I trust), this poor fellow is wasting his handsome smiles and akward gestures on my daughter. She happened to be a customer in a store where he works. It makes us all laugh to know who he is, and who his parents are, while he has no idea. His folks would probably tell him that he's barking up the wrong tree if they knew of his harmless behavior. We also remember that he was the kid in the Chick Fil A playplace about ten years ago who was behaving so rowdy that I foolishly voiced my opinion about it to a friend, who told his mother, and my gossiping nearly ruined our friendship. That was a lesson well-learned. These days, I bet my boys are equally loud in there. Thankfully we've embraced those parents of that "rowdy boy" many times over the last ten years. We do love them. I suppose if he grows up and starts thinking about marriage we would enjoy having those conversations with his folks.

I'm thankful that my daughter humbly shared the experience. I am not sure if she realized the young man was flirting until I asked her. She sweetly laughed and told me that she though he was. Anyways, we are definitely in a new season now! I hope they will always tell me everything. I enjoyed telling both of our teen girls that young men who haven't matured enough to be looking for a wife have no idea how to behave around a beautiful young lady. At times like these I enjoy being the older woman in these scenarios, especially since our daughters are entering this adult season in such purity and innocence.

There are those occasions on which I do not always enjoy being the older woman, for example, in the juniors' section of Dillard's. I was waiting while one of our girls tried on some clothes. She has never shopped there before. we shop at thrift stores usually. She decided to try to take a trendy, immodest style on the clearance racks and improve upon it. Since she was using her own debit card for this first-ever new clothing purchase, I supported her. Unfortunately I was left standing in front of the three full length mirrors and bright lights, looking at the reflection of a woman who looked very much like my own mother. She definitely did not look sixteen anymore. When I complained to my daughter about the aged appearance I was seeing, she tried to comfort me. The experience was funny. In my head I'm still a skinny teen girl too. I need to stay away from those department store mirrors. She came out in her trendy, junior-sized dress and looked lovely. I even insisted that she try some of the skinny jeans under the dress just to help me relive some of my teenage memories. Those "old" clothing styles just keep reappearing. I won't be wearing any skinny jeans. I don't think my girls will either. But shopping with them is fun.

I realize these next thoughts do not logically flow but more and more time keeps passing without me having the time to journal/blog. Life is so very busy and rich. God is faithful everyday here. I wish I could record the blessings, each and every one of them.

We've had an extremely dramatic turn of events with a family member, who does not live with us, this past week. God has used the most unfortunate of events and behaviors to draw others together. He is weaving broken and healthy lives together for His glory. Our family has become joined to another forever because an illegitimate child was born to a drug-addicted mother. We were even asking God if we were to become the baby's adopted family. He seems to have clearly answered to the contrary. In the meantime, He is bringing people together who otherwise would have no earthly reason to share their deepest priorities and concerns. The situation has been so tragic and confusing that I have literally prayed all week during each waking moment that His will would be done on earth as in heaven. I haven't known what was best, or what His will was. I couldn't fix the problems. I could only listen to those who had their hands in it, encourage them and pray for them. I was blessed immensely by my Lord who is always near when I rely on Him. I am thankful for deepened relationships and new friendships. May this baby become a mighty man of God with a strong identity in His Heavenly Father. Afterall, this is what really matters for us all.

How Do You Do It?

When people learn that we have nine children they often ask that question, or they will say that I must be a saint, or have endless amounts of patience, or a very helpful husband or very well-behaved children. It's funny. No one suggests that it might just be hard work or a supernatural mystery.

I do my best to give God the glory on every occasion. Afterall, I know that I wouldn't even entertain the idea of having many children were it not for the inspiration of His Holy Spirit and the conviction by His Word. Likewise, there are those days that I am acutely aware that each breath is coming from Him, every smile toward a little one, and each kind word too. However, it is so difficult to encapsulate seventeen years of striving to be a godly parent in a one minute conversation with a stranger. I always pray that whatever words leave my mouth are from Him. And I have to remind myself to rest in the answers when the conversation is over. There's no replay nor do-over.

As the family grows and the days are harder I ask myself how I will "do it" today, this week or this year. I've even said that I cannot "do it" anymore. I've threatened to quit "doing it". At some point between baby 5 and baby 6 I realized that I couldn't keep doing many things. We changed from a busy, age-segregated church to a family friendly one. I ceased leading the homeschool group. Ladies' bible study ended. Home businesses fell to the wayside. The organic produce food co-op was cancelled. Perfectly clean carpet, floors, windows and bathrooms became a faint memory. I turned over nearly all of my household duties to various semi-capable, energetic children, and that meant letting go of my high standards that I had for myself.

Even after "quitting" many busy activities, I still found myself overwhelmed and feeling unable to "do it". I longed for the days when I felt as if it were all under control. I loved doing the yardwork, painting, building,...ultimately doing the wife and husband roles, except for earning the majority of the money. Outdoor jobs are much more rewarding than indoor jobs. Generally the results last longer outdoors. Laundry and dishes can be the most depressing duties since there is no end. A nicely manicured lawn can be enjoyed for atleast a week. And a clean coat of paint will be adored for years. No one hardly notices that all the clothing is reorganized, labeled, and boxed for another year in the attic or closet. It can be discouraging to be a mother.

I have a vague memory of realizing about five years ago that in the earliest years of parenting I had done a very good job and probably lived entirely on youthful zeal. I know the Lord was with me. But I didn't remember really depending on Him while my energy was high and I could still "do it" all. I concluded that it was a good thing to come to the end of myself since I knew that would be the start of truly resting in Him. I did commit to read my Bible every possible morning and then teach it to the children after breakfast. I had to remind myself that it would be okay if that was all I accomplished. With all the pressure to do more lifted off of me, those days tended to be our best ones.

Since our ninth baby has come I've experienced yet another version of "I can't do it" anymore. I suppose it could be a combination of my increasing age and need for more sleep. However I have noticed that my zeal needs recharging more often than ever before. Something about a good argument, or constantly having to defend one's lifestyle to fellow church-goers or family members keeps one passionate. I get along beautifully with my husband when we are fighting the "bad guys" together. When attacks come we dig into the Word, and we are strengthened. I think this is the key. We pray for peace and dread the criticism but the battles keep us lively and fresh. Now I will not be asking for attacks on our life. But I will try to remember to be the cheerleader in our home who reminds all the members of our calling. I've recently reminded them that I need their encouragment. We're working on a more formal version of our family vision. I am blessed by my husband's growing desire to lead his flock to the Lord. This is a sweet and crucial time in our family and I want to be "in the game" not whinning on the sidelines.

I have been reminded to pray for my friends who may be dealing with the same temptation to grow weary in well doing. This is good. We will support one another as the Body of Christ should.

We sang some older songs tonight during family worship. It was a sweet time. All the youngest children were seated on the floor in front of their father and me. We sang without any music. One song in particular struck my heart. The words are so foundational. I think I remember it from one of Micheal W. Smith's albums:

God you are my God and I will ever praise you.
I will seek you in the morning and I will learn to walk in your ways.
Step by step you'll lead me and I will follow you all of my days.

As their little voices sang "I will follow you all of my days" I realized that is our family vision! And that is how we will keep "doing it". We will seek Him in the morning and He will teach us how to walk in His ways. He will lead us step by step, as He always has. And as a result, we will follow Him all of our days! Halleluiah!

Joshua is so sweet...

that if he wasn't a person I would eat him!!!

as spoken by his big brother, Isaac

Happy Fourth Month Birthday, Joshua!!!

October!

Time is flying by...it's has been a month since I've even thought of blogging. Looking back at that last entry reminds me of how important it is to keep blogging since my handwritten journal has taken a back seat. I love our family memories and really want to preserve them!


We have just returned from a week of family vacation in the mountains. It was our fifth trip to the cabin in the woods. Our gracious hosts, their daughter and family and my mother joined us at the cabin for a portion of the week. We enjoyed hikes, four-wheeling, boating and picking apples and grapes. The leaves were just beginning to change and the weather was very chilly. Thankfully, we left the rain at home.

We always try to take a family photo while in the mountains. This one was for fun with some of our guns (not loaded of course!). We usually shoot targets a couple of times while we are there. The trees behind us changed colors while we were staying on the property. It was stunning!

Before a hike up the mountain we stopped to get a shot of the older eight children. They were laughing and having so much fun. It made a sweet photo.

Tonight we made jam from the hard-to-get grapes. It was alot of work for those four pints of jam!!! The deer and other animals had already eaten the grapes near the ground. We had to climb and use long branches to knock ours down. That made it more fun!

We were thankful that Mom was able to be with us and especially to meet Baby Joshua. Unfortunately, my stepfather, Bill, was not feeling well enough to join us. He is still recovering from surgery related to colorectal cancer. Hopefully, Bill will regain his comfort and strength and we will be able to visit with him soon!

We also enjoyed a couple of visits with my father. He lives very near the cabin. It is nice to spend part of a day with him and be able to return to our "home base" at the cabin. We hope to see more of him this year too.

On the way home we stayed with my sister, Carrie, and Brian. It is always great to be with them. We look forward to seeing them for Thanksgiving at our house this year and again in December when we attend a wedding near Richmond.

Our baby will be four months tomorrow. He is so very precious. He has lost nearly every newborn hair and it has been replaced with fuzzy blonde hairs that currently stand straight up. He reminds us of a chick. Joshua's sleeping and eating patterns have normalized and we are somewhat settled into a routine. This is nice since I'm needing more sleep these days than when I first became a mother.

A wise friend of mine discovered, and shared with me, that she needed to keep her toddler with her during the school day. I have reaffirmed that discovery with Noah. I kept assigning him to different siblings and he was becoming more and more loud and discontent each day. Recently, I've started to keep him "at my feet" during the earliest hours of homeschool each day. He minds well and is starting to enjoy the time. He really needed some boundaries and his siblings and playpen were not the right solutions. Hopefully, I can train him to be more content while playing out of my sight too.

It is worth noting that while we were on vacation Noah proved that he is POTTY TRAINED!!! Bob was very faithful to keep up with Noah's trips to the bathroom and therefore, he did not have any accidents! This has been a long time coming and we are going to make the brave transition to cotton pants very soon.

We were glad to return to church this past Sunday. Some of us had missed three weeks! That felt like forever. I have enjoyed getting to know a few of the ladies in our congregation much better over the last couple of months. I've even had a couple of "mommy dates" at the smoothie shop. Friends make life much richer! It is a blessing to have many Christian friends who are transparent, humble and willing to share how they "do" life. The advice and sharing that happens between friends often serves as a lifeline from the Lord. He is so faithful to speak through others to me. I also appreciate my husband's encouragement to make the effort to get out sometimes just to visit with another mom.

I really cherish the nighttime and early morning feedings with Joshua. They are precious moments of nursing, snuggling and praying. My mind is so clear with the house quiet. During the day I can forget to pray for those I love, but in the dark, my heart is flooded with prayers. It is truly precious time. And I'm counting on Christ to answer my prayers for my loved ones.

Life can feel crazy, but ours truly is good! And God is always good!

The Ups and Downs of Homeschooling

The first week of school with NINE children was...busy! Well, that should not have come as a surprise. I nursed the baby, tried to contain the two year old, tutored the challenged thirteen year old, and corrected the fourth graders' work AT THE SAME TIME! It was a little nutty at times. When things became very out of control I called a team meeting, explained the dilemma and gave orders or took suggestions about how we were going to handle the current crisis. That seemed to be a better solution than giving into my flesh and yelling. : ) At times there were tears, thankfully they weren't mine. And no one's feelings were hurt, they just didn't understand how to write huge numbers in expanded form or identify the simple subject or simple predicate in sentences. I'm fairly certain they understand now. It took a couple of days of tutoring. I reminded them how fortunate they are to be homeschooled so that they won't go through the rest of the school year not understanding those foundational concepts. It's so easy to get lost in a large classroom. Who wants to admit they don't understand something in front of all their friends? Or even siblings? I'm grateful that we are all here together. But I'll have to remind myself of that many times in the week ahead.



I have a couple of students who aren't used to being challenged therefore when it happens, they cry. I know they will grow out of it since others have before them so I don't worry. It's easy to cheer them up and encourage them, thankfully. One day around lunchtime I was checking the stacks of completed work at the kitchen table. Anna approached me and asked some questions, I answered, then she glanced over at a discouraged brother who was sitting nearby and back at me and said, "What's wrong with him?" I laughed so hard. I suppose it was her matter of fact tone, the brother's very sad face, and the length of time she'd been standing by him before she asked. I'm in tears just remembering it now because it was so funny to me. Those are great moments. Laughter makes everything better. Even the previously crying child cheered up. : )



Noah, the two year old, is really putting on the pressure. He refuses to stay in his pen 90%of the time that we try it. The other 10% he sits like an angel playing contentedly. Unfortunately when he is out he puts things in the toilet, eats soap, climbs on the table and licks salt shakers, gets into the refrigerator, steals treats from my nightstand, and writes on the carpet, himself, his new cowboy hat and every book in his path with a black permanent marker!!! And so on...I wish I could remember more of the funny (not so funny at the time) episodes. We decided that we might employ the new trampoline which has a net and zipper closure as his new playpen on occasion. The children have already zipped him up inside of it while they ride bikes around the yard. I might use it a little during school...now who will go out there with him? Hmmm. I'll have to appoint shifts...I'll be working on that. I must use all my resources wisely.



On the most stressful days I found that an afternoon swim was the perfect relaxant for my muscles and brain. I might have to put that into our schedule too.



I must admit that one day during my morning time with the LORD I did ask Him if he would come back before school started. Doug Wilson wrote three homeschooling comic books and one comic was about exactly that scene. Mother was on her knees by the bed praying, "LORD, you said you were coming back soon. So could you come before school this morning." ha ha ha! That was me too. One day it will happen. Oh happy day!!!

New School Year

I'm not certain why I am up when everyone else is in bed, except that I have missed having time to read and write about life lately. It is therapeutic. I am regretting that I haven't recorded all the neat things that are happening this summer. I've just skimmed through the last few months of blogging and as usual I had forgotten some great things that God has been doing in our life and how much He encouraged me along the way!

I want to be certain not to ever lose hope. I was reminded on Sunday that "hope deferred makes the heart sick". That's the last thing I need- more heart sickness. So I am making a point to not get to that yucky place of feeling hopeless. It's always temporary but to be expected with so much responsibility and my own high expectations of myself!

Lately I have been appreciating the detailed differences in my children's personalities. God has given each of them gifts that are theirs alone and quite naturally. I am also trying to not be frustrated with the ones who are not naturally gifted in areas that help the family most. To be clear, some are great problem solvers, while others are voluntarily entertaining to little ones, and others enjoy running errands and so forth. Apprecitating them all, all the time challenges me greatly. Since I'm the mom, I feel compelled to train them all to be very thoughtful and therefore service oriented towards others. Sadly, this selflessness comes more easily to some than others. I was not a selfless teen. But I was different from my own teens in good ways and bad. It is the kindness of God that draws us to repentance and the mercy He has extended to me that I am to show to others. So I am trying to be wise and patient as I counsel and live with my maturing children. For the first time in my parenting I am unsure of how much to require of them. I make many "wise suggestions" but at what point should I command them if they are making poor choices. Since they are maturing at nine different levels, while my husband and I are maturing at different paces too, it's tough! Grace is the requirement. We are going to learn how to get along and be fruitful! I just hope it is very soon! We've been focusing on the blessings several evenings a week as a family. This is a great addition to all the correcting we're doing. I hope it helps to tie heart strings among us all.

Yes, the school year is starting. The new books are on the shelf. This year I have SEVEN students!!! They range from kindergarten to highschool senior! Wow! Just managing all of our books without buying more shelves is very difficult. Three of my students will be needing a lot more help than I have been giving in recent years. That scares me, since I have an infant to nurse and a TWO year old boy! So we are working our way gradually into the new materials, especially with my most challenged thirteen year old who is in second grade. He always thrives under patient daily instruction. I have to be sure to give him that!

In some areas I'd like to improve over last year and in others I'll just have to find more efficient ways to accomplish the tasks. Record keeping is very challenging. We are under the religious exemption law, but we have an agreement with HSLDA that we will keep a record of our activities that is reproducible. I cannot seem to get all those assignments for every subject and every child written in that record book! I've resorted to asking the children to date every page in their workbooks and trying to catch up at various points during the year. At the same time, my older ones keep asking why I have those record books with each page they've worked documented for every school day. I do not know! I gave the IOWA test to the top four students and that should serve as some evidence for their progress. Does that mean I can throw away the workbooks and just write in the record book that they completed the books they started??? I hope so.

Homeschooling materials can be found in unlikely places. I read an article in Reader's Digest this week that could possibly replace nearly a year of grammar. (although I'm still teaching English to all the children) It is about very common vocabulary and grammar errors. I'm going to ask my highschoolers to read the article and I might cut it out and try to save it somewhere important. Honestly, that means I'll come across it when I'm not looking for it and never be able to find it when I need it...oh well.

I haven't read a Reader's Digest since I left home. I couldn't resist this "humor"issue in the grocery check out. The children read every page of every magazine that comes into our house. Therefore, we are very selective! I read the Digest while nursing or burping Joshua. Then Kelsey read it while holding or rocking him. Yesterday Kendal was holding Joshua on the couch and he was fussing a little. I told her that he was cranky because she was reading that Reader's Digest that he'd already read twice before with me and Kelsey. : )

Well that was only one of the sweet, funny things that happened lately. It's too bad that I've forgotten most of the precious things the children have said that I really wanted to write down...I hope someone in heaven is responsible for keeping such a record for forgetful moms like me. I'd like to go back and read them all one day in eternity.

Our God is so Good!

Sometimes Christians say to one another: "God is good all the time." and reply, "All the time, God is good."

I've been pondering God's goodness lately.

As I am reading through the Psalms in my quiet time I am noticing how often the author comments on God's goodness. This morning I read:

"For the LORD God is a sun and shield: the LORD will give grace and glory: no good thing will he withhold from them that walk uprightly." Psalm 84:11

"For thou, Lord, art good, and ready to forgive; and plenteous in mercy unto all them that call upon thee." Psalm 86:4-6

"Oh that men would praise the LORD for his goodness, and for his wonderful works to the children of men!" Psalm 107:14-16
That sentence is repeated three times in Psalm 107!

We have been singing a song at church called, "You are Good". The words are simple and biblically sound. I love Kari Jobe's version on YouTube. She is the worship leader at Gateway in Dallas. Clearly they have an upbeat, modern, and young worship style. That venue is not necessarily our family's preference for Sunday morning, however, this song really touches my heart. She sings it like no one else I've heard. (By the way, she has written and sung many other worshipful songs) Currently, our whole family is singing this one day and night! (Last month "Revelation Song" was our favorite)

Our God is so good and we know He loves to hear us sing about it! I've posted the YouTube video below. I hope it works! Be blessed!

Joshua

This is my new favorite photo of our baby. (although it's slightly blurry b/c I love to take photos without a flash) He is eleven weeks old and nearly fourteen pounds! This outfit is more "big boy" looking than his others. It's a true Polo with feet! Too cute! He has nearly lost all of his original hair, and it is being replaced with very blonde hair. We have so much fun watching these little ones grow into beautiful people!

I continue to feel well with no episodes with my heart! I am so thankful!

God's "Motherly" Qualities

I've been thinking that if as humans, our motherly qualities come from God, then obviously He had them first so...

Does He love to see us smile?

Does He love to hear us laugh?

Does He enjoy it when we delight in Him and talk to Him?

Does He love to hear the sigh of contentment as we rest in His arms?

Does He love to feed us and know that we are satisfied and healthy?

Does He love to watch us sleep?

Does He adore our beautiful physical qualities?

Does He rejoice over our growth?

Does He mourn over the loss of our childlikeness?

Does His heart hurt when we are sad or hurt?

This is how I feel about my children, especially as little babies. How wonderful it is to imagine God, as the perfect mother/father combination, feeling the same about me.

Returning to "Normal"

I am really enjoying having my life back. Today we put together our new trampoline. It is always a great treat to work alongside my enthusiastic children. I have several "older" ones now and that means that I do not have to know it all or do it all. We work as a team! I love it!

As soon as the assembly was completed, we started taking turns.
Anna...
Joy...
Kendal, then Kendal with Mary, who needed a little help, but only on her first turn! Kelsey was the highest jumper!
Issac... Daniel had a turn, then helped Noah, who also wasn't ready to jump alone. I took a couple of turns too, but prefer not to publish the photos. : ) Noah was my sweet companion on the deck steps eating sweet potato chips in his cowboy hat. Children were racing and swinging in the background. It was really a nice afternoon. Thankfully Joshua slept long enough for us to assemble the trampoline and safety net and have a few turns on it. These are (not so attractive) shots we took this week of our two month old baby. He looks quite chubby! In this one it looks like he's pointing to himself with his thumb. We are blessed!

I saw my chiropractor this morning and was somewhat disappointed with her news. She and the cardiologist had talked over the weekend. It seems that after looking over all my test results, the cardiologist was not quite as easy going as she'd been with me in the office. She wants to find the root problem of the frequent PVCs and the drop in my pulse. I'll be calling her back to see when she wants to see me next and update her on the improvement of all my symptoms. I'm also going to ask for more specific directions for recording with the event monitor.

I'm thinking they should redraw the blood tests and redo the 24 hour Holter monitor so they can see how healthy I am currently. It's possible that only another postpartum experience would bring about the bad symptoms again according to my chiropractor. But she still agrees that the root issue needs to be discovered. I'll continue to pray that God will reveal everything that needs to be revealed. I'd also be grateful to accept total healing of my heart!

Two Months Already???

It's true! Our baby is two months old! We haven't taken as many photos during the last two weeks but we did capture both of his dimples and a huge smile!

Daddy's making a crazy face, but we do whatever it takes around here to make a baby smile!
Noah really loves his baby brother. He always insists on greeting him when he enters a room, telling him "bye", "goodnight", etc. Weve never had such a keen two year old before. The baby is always on Noah's radar.

You can't see the baby well, but it's a sweet group shot. I worked all week to get a great one of all nine. It never happened! We need a panoramic, I guess.

I saw a cardiologist today. My appointment with her was moved from Monday. She had not looked at any of my test results before she saw me. I told her everyone else's concerns about the various tests. She glanced at them and did not act concerned. She has given me an event monitor to wear for thirty days. I'm supposed to try to capture the EKG that comes with the dizzy spells by pressing the "record" button if it happens. Then I can send the recording to her office over the phone. At this time she was not recommending any other tests. We briefly discussed a second stress test but not with any immediate plan to perform it. I'm supposed to go back to her office in three weeks. She thinks I should use supplements to help with the symptoms as needed. She admitted that any medication she could prescribe would lower my heartrate and therefore wouldn't be wise. After all the excitement of the last two weeks, I felt my appointment with her was anti-climatic. I'm grateful.

Late last week we started asking our friends and family for prayer. Since Friday afternoon I have been feeling better and better. Today I had total peace on the way to, and in, the doctor's office. My heart hasn't felt this normal in weeks. I am grateful. I feel covered by prayer. God's peace does surpass understanding.

My children seem sweeter. I find myself being willing to listen to their little tales longer. Life is precious but it can be hard to appreciate that when it feels crazy all the time. I've been given another "perspective check" over the last two weeks. I'm grateful.

Yesterday was good. I received wise counsel from my chiropractor in the early morning by phone. I stayed off of the supplements that had been helping my arrhythmias for the last four days. I passed the treadmill stress test. We even discovered that all the arrhythmias stopped while I was exercising. When I finished the test, they resumed.

I was referred to a cardiologist who is very friendly and knowlegeable about nutrition. I will see her on Monday. I'm looking forward to talking with someone who knows a great deal about arrhythmias AND approves of nutritional cures. That doesn't guarantee that her recommendations for me will be "all natural" but atleast we'll be starting on the same page, I hope.

I "passed" the echocardiogram and bubble test afterall. I suppose my technician thought I'd failed it. But thankfully the cardiologists disagreed. At this time, we do not anticipate that I will need any heart surgery! That was a HUGE relief! Best of all, I went all day feeling good and not taking any supplements for my heart.

Lastly, all the other tests showed no bad results. I do have arrythmias, not deadly ones. I have been experiencing the symptoms of bradycardia, and that still needs to be addressed. But for two days now, I have felt practically normal and stress free!

At this time, I have no idea why I've had to walk this scary road. I don't understand why my heart was behaving so badly all last week, or why the slow pulse started two weeks ago. I do not see God's big picture in all this. And I still do not have any answers about what IS wrong. But I can still rest in Him. He has not forsaken me. I am thankful to be here with my family and hopeful that I will be able to complete the task He's set before me and with a healthy heart.

I am still asking for prayer for continued protection over my heart since I have been dipping into the forties and feeling faint. I also am asking for wisdom, as there are still decisions to make about who to see, when to go and how far to keep searching for answers.

God is continuing to write a great story. The last two days, on the supplements have been wonderful. I have been so very grateful to feel like myself again. My pulse has been between 52 and 60 with less pauses and PVCs. The nerve wrecking adrenal rushes have decreased too. I'm torn between giving the credit to the supplements and giving credit to all the prayers that are being lifted on my behalf. Either way, God should be glorified because He has been leading me all the way. In every decision I've made about caring for myself I've sought His counsel first. I've enjoyed thanking Him for feeling normal again.

Today we barely made it to church. We were late. I wasn't helpful since I kept announcing that I wasn't sure why we make the effort anyways. Many of us leave the service to care for little ones. Some days it seems that we are only a distraction. Clearly satan was attempting to keep me from being there. I wasn't wise to his scheme until the end of the service.

I had the pleasure of sharing the mothers' nursing room with a young mom, ten years my junior. She had sought my advice a couple of months ago about PVCs. Last week I shared what had been going on with me. Before I said anything about my week today, she gave me very encouraging information.

She sees a naturopath. I asked for his name. Then she told me how he and a well-known cardiologist were moving into a building together near the "heart hospital". So this well reputed cardiologist is supposedly, intentionally going to be working alongside a naturopath. The news was too good to believe. Ultimately I asked her to repeat it again.

I've already been told that my primary care doctor wants to send me to a cardiologist. I've also been advised to insist on going to the local "heart" hospital and not another if I require surgery. Now, I can hopefully be referred to this cardiologist who apparently atleast tolerates, if not prefers, to try alternative/nutritional treatments! I couldn't be any more fortunate in my happenstance this morning at church.

The young mother and I are becoming fast friends as we've shared our spiritual hearts as well. We've made confessions to one another and agreed to pray for one another.

I feel strengthened for the week ahead. Two other moms, the same as last week, in the nursing room, promised to pray for me too. One has a husband with a defibrillator in his chest and understands the many stresses and fears of walking through a cardiac investigation with medical doctors. That is a blessing too!

One Day at a Time

Yesterday was spent focusing on the "feelings" side of the last couple of weeks with this heart trouble. Sadly, I had a very panic stricken morning before it all got better. When I remembered that the joy of the LORD is my strength I decided to focus on it! I recovered, physically and emotionally from that valley.

In fact, by lunchtime I felt better than I have in two weeks. I had been covered in prayer all day due to meetings that my husband had with church friends, including our pastor, at breakfast and lunchtime, and a meeting I had with a long-time dear friend. My husband's meetings had been scheduled before my troubles started- yet another non-coincidence.

I decided to continue to pray for wisdom while I'm waiting for the medical community to give their advice. I still haven't heard from my doctor about Thursday's echocardiogram. I do know he is out of town right now though.

Regardless of whether there is a plumbing problem in my heart, I still have these bothersome rhythms to live with. Since I've read that these supplements have worked for other people like me, I started to work on a plan for taking taurine, l-arginine, and CoQ10 to try to eliminate or decrease the arrhythmias. Thankfully I had some success.

Today I'm working a slighly different plan and continuing to beg God for wisdom and knowledge in each step. Since I'm breastfeeding I researched repeatedly for side effects and found none. I still want to take the smallest dose necessary to be feeling ok, for baby's safety and mine.

The short story on my feelings is that I know God is bigger than all my collected concerns and potential problems. He can use me as He wills to reach others. I've repeatedly tried to submit my heart (spiritual and physical) to Him and not worry. I tend to cling to my desire to breastfeed tightly. It doesn't fit with advanced cardiac diagnostic tests and procedures of course, so there could come a time when I have to give it up. But I've asked the LORD to tell me or my husband when we reach that point. I know the doctors don't care about my breastfeeding. We have competing goals at times. Once I'm in their care, they just hope I don't die b/c they made a mistake or failed to test me thoroughly enough. I'm hoping for the least invasive solution, or maybe just to put off some invasive events until the baby is older. I realize that I may not have that luxury. I'm reminding myself that it would be ok.

Some random realizations I've had:

~For God the end does justify the means. He often uses/allows temporal means to bring spiritual results.

~Just before the low pulse started, I had prayed often that God would give me a heart like His. I recognize that I do not love enough or like He does and I desire that. When I prayed "change my heart oh God" I wasn't thinking of surgery. : ) But whatever it takes, note my first point.

~When I was a little girl I thought there was something wrong with my heart. I had many chest pains right over my heart. And I greatly feared that I might die. Eventually I grew out of the pains and the fears. But now, it seems strange that I could've been partially correct.

I'm enjoying my family, as crazy as it is, and trying to cherish everyone. Life with nine does not slow down even if Mom is not herself!

Traditional AND Alternative

Today I woke up feeling badly. It was very much like last Monday when this all started. I felt a little dizzy and numb-headed. I could tell that my heart was completely uncoordinated. After lunch I remembered that I had stopped taking taurine a couple weeks ago. It is an amino acid that I have used for years to prevent asthma symptoms and even eye fatigue. By eliminating the asthma symptoms I could avoid many arrhythmias too. In short, it helps muscles get more oxygen.

I suddenly wondered if that had anything to do with my increased heart troubles of late. I took a few capsules and ran to the computer to do a quick Google research. In less than five minutes I discovered that taurine had been proven to eliminate many harmless arrhythmia's including PVCs!!! The doses were large 3-10grams a day. Taurine comes in 500mg capsules. I had never taken more than six capsules in a day. I was extremely excited about the news and hoped it would work for me. Before I went to my echocardiogram I took several more (for a total of 3 grams) and noticed that my pulse had increased to 6o but I still had many PVCs. I also left a message for my chiropractor so that I could get her advice.

During the echocardiogram I could see my abnormal rhythm and the associated pictures of my heart. Basically the structure of my heart was looking good. The last test was called a bubble test. We were able to see actual bubbles inside my left chambers. The test was for an atrial septal defect. When that part of my test was complete the demeanor of my technician changed completely. She'd been communicative, friendly, and interactive. Suddenly she shut down and sent me out. I hesitated long enough to ask her about it but she reminded me that she wasn't allowed to make any diagnoses. My stomach sank and filled with butterflies. I won't know for sure until the cardiology office communicates with my primary care...hopefully tomorrow he'll call us.

At this point I've had enough time to research adult ASDs and it seems to make sense, if it's true. If I have one, it should be repaired. I'm hoping that taking taurine will keep my heart rhythm regular until our baby is finished nursing. I took a few more taurine tonight and I'm having NO PVCs! Praise the Lord! I cannot wait to tell my (traditional) doctor that this supplement is working. And I am so thankful that my chiropractor sweetly advised me how to manage it.

Today I am thankful that my doctor insisted that I have the echocardiogram with the bubble study. He may have led us to the problem that has been bothering me for atleast twenty years. (Since it is congenital I would've actually had it for forty years) Traditional medicine will need to make the repair if my suspicions of the results are true. Alternative medicine will keep me strong until I'm ready and help me recover when it's over.

Well those are the facts of the day. The feelings...they are a different story for another day. But, God is still God no matter what path my life takes. We sang tonight during family worship:

Blessed Be Your Name
In the land that is plentiful
Where Your streams of abundance flow
Blessed be Your name

Blessed Be Your name
When I'm found in the desert place
Though I walk through the wilderness
Blessed Be Your name

Every blessing You pour out
I'll turn back to praise
When the darkness closes in, Lord
Still I will say

Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your name
Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your glorious name

Blessed be Your name
When the sun's shining down on me
When the world's 'all as it should be'
Blessed be Your name

Blessed be Your name
On the road marked with suffering
Though there's pain in the offering
Blessed be Your name

Every blessing You pour out
I'll turn back to praise
When the darkness closes in, Lord
Still I will say

chorus

You give and take away
You give and take away
My heart will choose to say
Lord, blessed be Your name

Traditional or Alternative (part 2)

It seems like a very long time since the last entry because so much happened yesterday. I'm torn between writing it all down and telling an interesting story. I'm chosing to document my thoughts and experiences. I'm trusting God for a great story.

Today I'm at home in the final hours of the 24 hour Holter cardiac monitor. Even in the middle of the night I felt nervous and know this greatly affects my typically abnormal heart rythyms. I don't know the reason for the nervousness but it has continued this morning and is affecting my whole body.

Yesterday, I did have the mineral IV. Unfortunately, I don't feel any different this morning. My pulse is still 52.

Although my medical doctor had not given me any report from last Friday's thyroid panel and etc. he had already scheduled more blood to be drawn when I arrived for the Holter yesterday. That was frustrating to me since I wasn't expecting to be taken to the lab and wondered if the results would be skewed because of the IV fluids. I was forced to tell him that I'd had the IV, which I'd previously decided wasn't important to share since I was certain he wouldn't agree with my chiropractor's decision. I was right. He thought dehydration was a silly concern and the IV was unwarranted. Although my lab results do rightly point to the possibility. There are many possibilities, and that's why it's so easy for practitioners to disagree. I had a questionably high potassium, yet I was given a potassium tablet with my IV at the other medical doctor's office. That was the start of the "train wreck" I was involved in for the remainder of the day. My medical doctor and the more naturally oriented medical doctor whose office gave the IV were destined to talk with one another.

My medical doctor and I had a short discussion about why my chiropractor sends her patients to him. The truth is ugly, but it took me most of the day to realize it. In Virginia chiropractors can order laboratory tests but most insurances will not pay for them. It presents a problem if a patient is sent to a medical doctor with some ideas in their head about what might be wrong and even specific recommendations for labs to be drawn and ultimately covered by insurance. When the results come in the patient chooses to be treated by the chiropractor's techniques leaving the doctor, if he knows it, feeling used and ignored. Yuck! If he's arrogant or very concerned for his patient's health, he's going to respond negatively. My doctor was level-headed, honest and concerned.

I communicated the entire scenario to my chiropractor and encouraged her to seek a peaceful solution. She was very concerned, and determined to attempt to make things better. Either the two of them will agree to work together, or my chiropractor's patients will have to pay for their labs. That means that most will not have the labs performed, therefore missing important medical information.

In the best interest of patients a collaborative effort must be implemented. But how? They do not agree. How can they? Their training barely overlaps. They are unaware of the common ground they share. Generally a medical doctor will refute every idea of the chiroprator/functional medicine doctor.

I was suspicious that this confrontation would ultimately happen. I am praying for wisdom about how to be a mediator as I walk through my medical cardiac investigation. I think I owe my doctor an apology for not considering his feelings on my "two-timing" approach. However, I plan to continue to listen to both professionals' advice, so saying anything could make my doctor release me from his care. Afterall that's what one of those forms I signed on the clipboard said: that I will follow his treatment plan. I hand wrote a note there saying I would follow as we discussed his plan, but he wouldn't have noticed it. He only looks at the computerized version of my chart.

On a more personal note, my medical doctor conducted a 12 lead EKG in his office showing PVCs, bigemeny in fact. I've seen all that before. I was having both in college when I started to investigate my heart initially. The print out from the computer was disturbing though. It had listed (for the doctor's consideration) many cardiac problems...scary ones. I'm not even going to look them up. Afterall it said at the top of the sheet that a doctor should make the determination of a diagnosis not the computer. After seeing it, my doctor concluded that he would be sending me to a cardiologist. I've seen two before. One around my twentieth year, and another around my thirtieth year. I'll be forty in November. Maybe it's just time for my trip to a cardiologist. The last two times they assured me that I was ok, could take a cardiac med to make me feel better, but it wasn't entirely necessary, Of course, I never took a cardiac drug. I wonder if I'll be so fortunate this time.

This morning, I looked at Joshua and wondered if I will live to see him grow up. I questioned whether that was a wise thought from the Lord to sober me up or a condemning thought from the enemy to scare me. I decided to make sure that I do everything that I can to increase the possibility that I will be here for him. Looking into those beautiful baby blues and then being struck with the realization that my "job" of mothering him includes the next twenty years, not just one or two, encouraged me not to fight every medical test or recommendation that I'm encountering.

I felt sorry for myself while being stuck for the third time in four days yesterday. Later, I remembered I'll be stuck atleast once more tomorrow for the echocardiogram. I can't feel bad for more than a couple of seconds, because I am too familiar with the thousands of reasons that millions of people are being stuck by needles these days. I am fortunate. But I always knew I didn't want to be in the company of those needing "medicine".

That thought leads me back to God. Even my medical doctor, during a personal, not professional conversation, last week reminded me that Jesus is a man of sorrows and we are to expect to share in His sufferings. He and I agreed none of us like that part of Christianity. (He wasn't talking about me, but how my stepfather has fought cancer this year) Our life has been so full of blessings and we have always given God the glory for it. Looking around at the lives of others has caused me to wonder when would it be our turn to suffer too.

When Isaac (our third) was born with problems and required a full year of intensive care at home, we "suffered" some. It didn't feel like it since we were fighting for him all the way. We drew close to God and He to us. It was a spiritual mountain top experience. But we would not have chosen it and do not care to repeat it. Honestly, I suppose we are all afraid of having to suffer, be sad, sick or possibly leave or lose our loved ones. For these fears there is the mighty Word of God. Praise the Lord! I'll be focusing there more intently this week. I'll have to.

While I've been writing this my nervousness has disappeared. I feel good. I am thankful.

Traditional or Alternative?

Over the last week I have been on a roller coaster of wondering "what is wrong with me." Last Monday we (all nine children and me) took a short trip to the boardwalk. On our way back to the van I started to feel light-headed. Unfortunately, while driving home I felt somewhat numb in my head...Thankfully, we made it home safely, abbreviating our trip. I had attributed the morning's symptoms to dehydration or a mineral imbalance. So, I probably drank alot and took minerals. I don't remember how I felt for the rest of the day but at bedtime I took my pulse. It was in the low 40s. That is generally low enough to make someone pass out and have their friends and loved-ones call paramedics. I wondered what was happening, said a prayer, and went to sleep.

The next morning, I checked my pulse again. Same thing. Low 40s. I was feeling a little panicked since I am a RN (in early retirement) and therefore do know some things after working in ICU, etc. The only person I know who has had this pulse, passed out and immmediately received a pacemaker. He was a young man...

I continued to focus on praying for wisdom, hydrating, eating well, and taking minerals along with my normal supplements. I called my chiropractor/nutritional specialist for advice or an appointment. She was booked. Her short term suggestion helped me to feel better but did not improve my heartrate.

By Thursday,both my chiropractor and I suspected a postpartum hypothyroid. She wanted my TSH checked. This would require a trip to the family doctor. I dreaded that because I knew he would be very concerned about the bradycardia (low pulse) and possibly insist upon intrusive and dangerous studies that I don't want to have performed on me. On Friday morning he saw me and ordered many labs to be ordered, including the thyroid panel, female hormones, and the typical other stuff. He also ordered various studies of my heart and insisted that I go to an ER if I have dizziness.

Today I saw my chiropractor. She had already acquired my lab results and assured me that I wasn't going to die when she first entered the room. I thought it strange that she would mention that possibility, although I had secretly wondered. Thankfully my appointment with her had been made months earlier and for a long visit too. Thanks to her, tomorrow I'm seeing another medical doctor who uses natural techniques for treating many medical problems. At his office I will be given IV fluid. Apparently, I am deeply dehydrated as indicated by high kidney/liver/blood study results. It isn't something that can be resolved by drinking more or even taking more supplements. But the expectation is that one course of IV fluids with minerals will set everything in order! Praise the Lord! It's my chiropractor who is setting this up after reading my (medically ordered) lab test results! I am so grateful for her and wonder if my medical doctor will come to the same conclusion. I haven't heard from him yet.

Also tomorrow I will have a Holter cardiac monitor placed at my family doctor's office for a 24 hour study of my heart's rhythm. Hopefully, I'll be in normal sinus rhythm after the IV.

On Thursday I'm scheduled for both an echocardiogram and a treadmill stress test. Thankfully all these diagnostics are painless, near our home and somewhat breastfeeding friendly.

One perk of having all this done is that we discovered that my progesterone is so low that I should not be able to even make breastmilk. Now, I'm taking an herbal supplement, from my chiropractor, that is supposed to have an immediate effect on this hormone. I will have many happy results from increasing progesterone. I look forward to that! Best of all, I should have a wonderful supply of milk for our precious little one.

Another secondary blessing is that now we know why the baby and I have been in gastric distress nearly everyday since his birth. My liver enzymes being slightly elevated indicate that I haven't been able to eliminate toxins from my body which causes alot of gas. We've managed ok with herbal tea and simethicone drops. Now we are on a natural supplement with herbs and some l-glutamine for soothing digestion. And when I am effectively rehydrated, I can clean up my liver enough to stop this process. Both the baby and I should be feeling much better soon!

So, can bradycardia be caused by dehydration? I hope so. If not, I pray we discover whatever God wants us to find out very soon.

However, all the while, I've been asking God if He doesn't have another reason for allowing all of this inconvenience (and some justified fear) into my life. Only a month ago we started a personal relationship with our family doctor and his family of 12. It was so unexpected that during the baby's first checkup they invited us over to their home, and later insisted that we stay for dinner. They are a wonderful family and we all enjoyed them immensely. We were even planning a second get together and began to discuss it more seriously with the wife on the morning I made my appointment with her husband. I don't believe in coincidence. It seems our families are meant to share time together and have already been very blessed by the new relationship. Their youngest is 16, while that is the age of our eldest. So we bring sweet memories to their minds of years gone by when they were younger and all sharing life together. They remind us that our children will grow up to be loving and family oriented adults one day. It's a nice trade.

This medical doctor and my chiropractor share many patients. Most medical doctors do not favor the care or input of a chiroprator. I have seen that look in my doctor's eye when I've mentioned something about my health history that relates to my chiropractor. I learned today that the relationship has become recently strained between them but not for any particular reason...now I'm wondering if our family might be used as a tool to bring that multi-disciplinary relationship into order.

We have seen our chiropractor almost monthly for seven years. We barely ever see a medical doctor. We love using vitamins, herbs and minerals rather than drugs to help bring our bodies back into alignment with God's plan. In an emergency, or just to maintain a history of medical care, that the world would view as responsible, we take our children for check ups to a medical doctor. Now because of my dilemma, I'm in the middle, between traditional and alternative medicine. I am at peace and quite thankful for them both. But I'm wondering if the Lord will use this situation to help bring peace between those two practices?

Whatever the outcome of the tests, I desire to be obedient and always glorifying to God in the process. I am praying that my words will be soothing and helpful as we enjoy the fellowship of our doctor and his family during our personal time together. I'm even writing all of this in hopes that one day in the future I'll be able to look back and see the hand of God in our lives and remember that this is how it all started. For now it seems like a strange assortment of coincidences. I don't believe in coincidence.

How Deep the Father's Love for Us

How deep the Father's love for us,
How vast beyond all measure
That He should give His only Son
To make a wretch His treasure

How great the pain of searing loss,
The Father turns His face away
As wounds which mar the chosen One,
Bring many sons to glory

Behold the Man upon a cross,
My sin upon His shoulders
Ashamed I hear my mocking voice,
Call out among the scoffers

It was my sin that held Him there
Until it was accomplished
His dying breath has brought me life
I know that it is finished

I will not boast in anything
No gifts, no power, no wisdom
But I will boast in Jesus Christ
His death and resurrection

Why should I gain from His reward?
I cannot give an answer
But this I know with all my heart
His wounds have paid my ransom


This is such a beautiful song with deep meaning. Our youngest girls are learning it. Anna, who is eight, can play it on the guitar. Last night, Anna, Joy(6), and Mary(4) were on my bed playing and singing it, and trying to teach it to me while I nursed the baby. Noah(2) was trying to sing along as he played with a Playmobil man on my nursing chair arm.

It was a lovely picture. It was one of those precious moments in motherhood that I would like to preserve in a bottle. Then I could open it when times at home with nine children do not feel so sweet. Or I could show it to myself when I doubt that all we do really matters in Kingdom terms. ("Seek ye first the kingdom of God!") I asked them to sing it over and over while I tried to learn all the words, and hang onto the living treasure.

Kendal and Kelsey have played this song on the guitar and piano together for months. Anna was the second seat/string guitarist, if Kelsey wasn't available. Now the younger ones can sing it alone. In this case, Kendal and Kelsey started a "good thing".

Steve and Teri Maxwell have always taught that parents should wet their children's appetites for the right things. Giving our children guitars, encouraging them to learn to play, and learning alongside them birthed a lovely season in our life. Kendal plays fluently and plays so that our family can worship nightly together, and even for friends who spend an evening with us. Kelsey and Anna also play well. Not to be outdone by Kendal, Anna practices regularly and enjoys playing for while we sing.

Our first guitar book was full of praise songs and hymns. Our second, and thus far, final book, is a larger book of worship songs. Not by accident, the guitar students in our home use their new talent to worship God. They won't be performing for applause, except the applause of Heaven.

It was heart-warming to watch the three little girls last night. I'd love to include a video here but attempting to record it would've tainted the sweetness of our family moment. : )

Most of all, I pray the rich words of such songs as "How Deep the Father's Love for Us" will be etched upon their hearts forever and that they will always cherish these memories of their childhood!

The Blessings of a Sewing Legacy

When I was growing up my mother always made our dresses for special occasions. As I grew older, people were calling upon her to sew clothes for their special events. She may have made her own clothing when we were little, but mostly I remember that she sewed costumes, dressy clothes, and hard to find items. Her mother and grandmother were both skilled seamstresses. "Granny" and "Mema" could make anything, thus, so can my mother.

I realized over the years that my mom was rare. Other girls' moms did not know how to sew. They purchased all of their clothing, including prom, wedding, and holiday dresses. Many of them couldn't even hem pants or sew on buttons! Their daughters didn't learn either.

I watched my mother sew sometimes. She probably did most of her work while we were at school to avoid being interrupted. She did not try to teach me how to sew. When I was fourteen or fifteen I asked for a sewing machine for Christmas. I think she had told me that I could not use her machine to learn and that I would need my own. My parents kindly bought a portable machine and I began to learn. I became easily discouraged as I tried to decipher the patterns. Often I would rely on Mom to help me understand. Therefore, I only sewed a couple times a year. That continued through my early years of marriage and parenthood. These days, I can usually find my answers on the internet. And I sew monthly, if not weekly. I am forever grateful for a mother, grandmother and great-grandmother who sew(ed). I am not intimidated by any project that I determine to be worthwhile, no matter how challenging. I get that from my mother too. She has a "can do" attitude.

My eldest girls are sixteen and fourteen. They can both choose and buy their own fabrics and patterns and have made several dresses. They can repair and alter clothing. I encouraged them to buy their own machine to share, but only because we were all wanting to sew at the same time and had only one working machine. They are far ahead of where I was, as a seamstress, at their ages.

These days, Kendal made our many of our window treatments, designs her own clothes, makes her own patterns, and has made patterns for our littler girls too. She has even taught a friend how to sew her own dress. Kelsey has made a couple of dresses and altered/repaired many skirts from the thrift store. Most recently, I've made baby slings, ballet skirts, throw pillows, tee-shirt dresses, night gowns, maternity outfits, and baby blankets. We are blessed to know how to make things for ourselves.

When Kendal was very young we bought a small quilt kit for her from Vision Forum. Once she learned how to make a nine patch quilt, she began to make them from all the material scraps of dresses I'd been making for her and Kelsey. She then taught Kelsey and me. Her hope chest is full of nine patches made from our family's scraps. In fact, Kelsey and I also have strips from many projects that will later be converted into our own quilts. It will be such a treasure one day to look at each piece and remember the little girls in their homemade dresses.

I usually scramble and make dresses for every girl for Easter. Kendal and Kelsey made their own this year and I made one for my pregnant self and for Joy. But my favorite and most practical clothing to make is a tee shirt dress. We purchase high quality knit tops from Lands' End overstocks and find bargain fabrics to match for skirts. Until the girls are old enough to wear ladies' sized skirts from the thriftstore, our daughters wear these dresses everyday (from one to about twelve years of age). Most of those tee shirt dresses cost us $2-$10. Often times we were given nice shirts and sometimes fabric and we were able to match them up and make dresses for free. For cold weather or rowdy activities we add leggings or shorts. (We also keep a supply of jeans for the really cold or hardy events outdoors) I've especially enjoyed adding rickrack, lace or other trims that I found in a bargain bin or at a yard sale.

Material is expensive. Patterns are too. Bargains can be found though. And money can be saved. Most importantly, modest, beautiful clothing is still available if you are willing to learn how to sew! Even better, teach someone else how to do it too!

Three weeks

It's hard to believe that our new baby was born three weeks ago! He's getting a little chubby and doesn't look as much like a newborn anymore. : ) He's finally starting to see our faces and maybe even smile intentionally. He chuckles in his sleep and has two dimples.

It is all very amazing to spend nearly every minute with a newborn and still look back and wonder how he grew up so quickly! It just happens minute by minute. Life truly is the accumulation of little moments. I'm trying to soak them up. I think I understand what the Bible means where it says that, "Mary treasured all these things in her heart." They are treasures.

Having a newborn is one of the best rewards of motherhood to me. I can remember as a very young girl being dissatisfied with babydolls. I really wanted a real baby to hold and love. I was ten when a baby sister was born and I adored her. My mother let me take care of her and I loved it. I had only been graduated from college nine months when I became pregnant for the first time. In spite of all the illness, lack of sleep, and breastfeeding difficulties I loved being pregnant and being a new mom. All of my memories with Kendal are good ones. She was a fussy baby. She wasn't an excellent nurser. But none of those things mattered at all. It was blissful to me. The same happened with Kelsey, Isaac, Daniel, Anna, Joy, Mary, Noah and Joshua. So far, no amount of pain, sleep loss or difficulty has lessened my joy. It is a gift from God and I hope to continue to appreciate it all.

I meant to watch very closely so that I could (for once) take note of all the subtle newborn changes...when the ears gain thickness and hold their shape, the toenails and fingernails harden and grow straigh out, the eyelashes appear, the eyebrowns can be seen, the last bit of newborn skin is shed. I forgot to write each one down when I noticed it. Maybe I'll remember next time, if I have another newborn one day...

On Joshua's two week birthday, a friend of ours took the following photo of him. They have ten (nearly all grown) children in their family and we had a wonderful time getting to know them last weekend. Our two large families got along so nicely. Mostly because their grown boys were very gracious with our younger ones. He (Jesse) also took about a hundred snapshots of our other children playing in their family's pool. It was a fun afternoon and we really love their family and this photograph. We hope that Jesse will one day take a photo of our whole family together, since he offered, and clearly knows how to take a great picture.


Joshua was three weeks on the day I took this picture.

Nothing sweeter

Our baby honeymoon has come to an end. Daddy returned to work yesterday and now I'm in charge of the home again. The children have done well. It hasn't been a difficult adjustment thus far. If we could have one wish it would be for Noah to be potty trained, instead of training!

Joshua likes to nurse every two hours at night and take his long naps during the day- to my dismay. However, I can't think of anything more wonderful to be awakened by than a precious newborn. So my complaints are few. According to his weight last Friday, he's gained atleast a pound since his birth.

We all went to church on Sunday. Rejoicing over God's handiwork (Joshua and other new babies) with our church family was a blessing. They have covered us in prayer, as we have done for them, so being together is often like returning "home". Our pastor is still preaching from Nehemiah so that warmed my heart as I held Joshua Nehemiah in my lap.

We have visited and been visited by many folks over the last two weeks. It has been wonderful!

Joshua Nehemiah is here!

We have been adoring him and praising the Lord for his magnificent provision and protection for five days! We were induced on Saturday morning and home by the afternoon! What a blessing!

Everything is going very well. I am resting most of the time in our peaceful bedroom with the baby at my side. The family is helping and Bob is taking great care of us all!

There are many things to say about how tremendously all of our prayers were answered...but for now it is sufficient to say that we are blessed of the LORD!

Twentieth Wedding Anniversary

We lingered over a very fine dinner in downtown Virginia Beach. Then, we strolled to the chocolate shop and indulged ourselves there. The weather was outstanding and the atmosphere was summery and celebratory with outdoor music and friends gathered all around. We watched others and occasionally laughed at ourselves as we thought of the last twenty years and how our relationship began.

No one can be praised but God alone for the resilience of our marriage! He has showered us in His mercy, love and wisdom. We are blessed indeed. I'm so thankful we've beaten all the odds that were stacked against us. We truly trusted God for better than we were told we could have together. And we still do! He is faithful! And we are happily married! Praise the Lord!


My friend, Karen, loaned a comfy, dressy, maternity outfit to me. It was so daring, yet somehow proudly maternal and modest...Bob loved it. So we took pictures and made good memories!

The Next Season

We never really know what the Lord has in store for us. We know that we can trust Him and that His ways are best and His strength is sufficient. But to assume that we really know what the future holds (outisde of His Word) seems arrogant.

In our home we are always watchful for the return of Jesus. We are excited that world news and the story in the stars and planets continue to point towards the end of time, as we know it. With each new Jewish feast comes an increased enthusiasm and attention to God's promises about "the end" for us. I've even wondered if the Lord might return before our baby is born. We've learned that there is a dramatization of the Rapture in the constellations and planets on June 6 this year. Even with an induction at 38 weeks that would be before our baby is expected to be born...so we have many thoughts and ideas for discussion at our meal table. Regardless of when we are all finally together in heaven, in the meantime we intend to be busy about loving God, learning about Him, obeying His word and loving others.

My more earthly thoughts are constantly changing from enthusiasm towards accomplishing much in the days left before our baby is born and just napping until he comes. : ) I'm still swimming a couple days a week but my 60 minutes of exercise has decreased to merely 20. I'm also still working in the gardens. We have four raised beds now. They aren't big but weeding is always needed. After making a photobook for our hosts and my parents from our vacation, I've decided to not scrapbook anymore for now. I have made a few choices for the children's school books for next year, but am not even close to being finished. Kelsey says that we don't need to freeze any meals since she cooks dinner. Our afternoons at the pool are very limited by my needing to pick Kendal up from work. So, it seems like the perfect season to sleep. But I haven't taken daily naps since the first trimester when I exercised three days a week.

Kelsey, Anna, Joy, Mary and I had a lovely time at the Mother/Daughter Tea on Saturday. All the teacups and saucers our family had collected were beautiful on the tables that our friends had decorated so tastefully. I meant to take a lot of photos but time slipped away. The food, fellowship and presentations were wonderful. We were sorry that Kendal had forgotten to ask for the day off and she wasn't able to join us.

We haven't made any other big plans between now and the baby's arrival. Our twentieth wedding anniversary is Wednesday. We'd hoped to stay at the beach overnight or something special but we've decided not to try anything fancy this year. One day we'd like to take a real vacation alone. But that will be during a different season of our family's life. We are thankful for God's faithfulness to us over the last twenty years. We still have so much to learn about blessing one another as husband and wife. We've agreed to keep working at it. : )

We did find two nests of baby rabbits in our raised beds. They are about two weeks apart. So once we discovered them, the older ones started jumping out and we started chasing them! We currently have two little ones in our lettuce garden, somewhat captive. One is too little to jump out so we're "protecting" him and the other...well, he's there by force and probably won't be there the next time we go out. It is a nice compromise since nearly everyone (except me) in our family thought we should have one in the house for the next month! It was difficult to get everyone to church on time yesterday with so much bunny chasing and holding going on in the backyard. It's all a little silly since we have been going to great efforts to keep rabbits out of our gardens, and in the meantime they built burrows under spinach and strawberry plants! And now we are using our garden as a bunny pen. : ) It has been very educational to observe the mothers' methods in covering their nests, scent, etc. Of course the children were motivated to research the habits and gestation of rabbits and so forth. We can just consider all the lost time- homeschooling!

Isaac's thirteenth birthday is Saturday. My stepdad, our family friend, and Bob had a special blessing ceremony for Isaac during our vacation. My stepdad wrote on a card to remind Isaac of their time together. I hope he will always remember the words that were shared and the prayers that were prayed over him. On Saturday we'll give him gifts and enjoy dessert together.

Bob has settled on the baby's name, my bag is packed, the infant seat is in the van...now I'll just have to be patient and continue to pray against the worries that try to creep in before delivery. I very much look forward to that moment after the baby is born! It is the best! And the reality of having another family member really sinks in when we settle into our bed, in our room at home, for the first time. Precious times are ahead!

May!

Yes, I really did get nearly all of 2009's photos in a scrapbook last month. I hope to print the photos from Christmas through present day, and scrapbook those and the last three vacations before our baby is born! (you can see that Noah doesn't appreciate what I'm doing, and the ironing is being neglected in the background : )

Speaking of vacation, we spent eleven days away from home at the end of April. We started with Bob's 20th VMI reunion, then to a waterfall hike on the Blue Ridge Parkway, stayed overnight with my dad and stepmom and celebrated Noah's second birthday, a week in Floyd at the cabin with my mother, stepdad and the Hylton family, and finally to my sister's house in Richmond. We were so very blessed with sweet fellowship and basically smooth sailing from one destination to another. It was a logistic miracle! I was 32 weeks pregnant, unable to do the luggage shuffling that is required on our vacations, uncomfortable in the van if we traveled more than 2 hours at a time, and unable to sleep for the first two nights. However, everything else was wonderful!!! We are still in awe of God's answers to our many prayers regarding relationships and fellowshiping on our trip. God is at work in everyone's life and we are amazed at Him!

This was taken at Falling Water Cascades. The falls went on forever! I don't think we ever saw the bottom. The sound was overwhelming and so peaceful! The Bible says that God's voice sounds like mighty rushing waters...I could've stayed there forever!
This was taken at VMI at the end of the parade ground. It was so exciting to have been there together 23 years ago: while we dated, and were engaged, then to return with (nearly) NINE precious children and twenty years of marriage behind us!
Mother's Day was sweet. We sent flowers to our two beloved mothers. And our family spent the day at church, out for lunch and dessert, and playing in the yard until supper time. I really enjoyed being the honored mom for the day. It was such a beautiful day and I took photos of all the children in the yard. Bob was refinishing Kelsey's hope chest, so when he joined in the photos they became comical rather than picturesque!

I'm 34 weeks along and still feeling better than ever! This morning my chiropractor gave me more tips on how to deal with some of the sore muscles that tend to accompany these last weeks. What a blessing she has been in keeping me well nourished, educated and in the best possible health for delivering these precious ones. This time we are going to try some natural treatments for starting labor. I've been induced everytime starting with Number Three, Isaac. Pitocin and breaking the sac are okay. But I'm certain that stimulating my body naturally would be best...We'll start around week 36 and see how it goes. My doctor likes to induce women like me (who've had lots of babies) at 38 weeks. Maybe we can beat him to it.

Bob's naming the baby. This is as it should be. But it is new for us. It's usually a husband/wife, family discussion, or a spiritual insight through me. We are excited to see how God will continue to lead us into the role of husband and wife that He has for us. We're also planning to refuse another one of the hospital dictated medicines and vaccines: Vitamin K. We have found a source and proper dosing for Vitamin K given by mouth to newborns. So hopefully our baby can join the world without eyes covered in goop, needle sticks in his sweet little thigh, and other unnecessary one-size-fits-all brand of newborn techniques. Also for the first time, we are planning an eighth day circumcision. The gyn in our area who performs this procedure in his office is the local Jewish mohel. Thankfully he helps Gentiles too! This allows our baby's prothrombin levels to be at the best and Dad and Mom to be present to pray and bless our baby on this special day of dedication. Best of all, we won't be sitting around the hospital for 24 hours waiting for this procedure. Maybe we can come home right after the delivery! That would be awesome!

I do love having a pregnant belly, so I will miss it, and I hope to preserve the memory of it. I never know which one will be my last. We have an assortment of mostly unattractive photos at this point but we'll keep trying and I'm going to post some here for my personal archive. : ) Isaac, Noah and me after lunch on the parade ground at VMI.
This was taken at the falls before the big hike back UP! Kelsey and I are like-minded when it comes to walking in creeks. You can see she's already been in. I had to watch from the bank. The rocks are too slippery for a pregnant momma.
Kristy and me in the cabin kitchen. She is the daughter of the family who own the cabin in Floyd. She is a new mother and wife and is such a great learner. It has been my pleasure to share the many resources that God has sent to me over the years!

I am so thankful for the exercise that I started last year at this time. Although I am atleast 28 pounds above my starting weight I am much stronger and healthier than ever! I had determined to prepare a safe place for our "next" baby by restrengthening my abdominals and pelvic floor muscles. We used some alternative therapy called Frequence Specific Microcurrent with massage to "rezip" up that gap in my abdomen. That was followed by months of water exercise focusing on core strengthening. And I've learned to exhale when straining to lift, push, or potty. Never strain. Strengthen and use my legs more. Continue to remind my worn out muscles to do their job, my chiropractor helps alot with this. Taking care of that psoas muscle holds my back/neck in better alignment, keeps my baby's weight off of my bladder and bowel, and I feel great! I hope to professionally write all that I've learned in an article and be able to share it with everyone I know.