A high school friend lost her son to postoperative complications of orthopedic surgery last week. He was nearly fourteen. He'd been diagnosed soon after birth with a rare syndrome known as angelman or happy puppet. He had been unable to speak or care for himself. His parents had given him every advantage in this life. He was always surrounded by friends, support groups, therapists, family, and often strangers as they travelled as a family.
We were able to attend the "celebration" of his life. Although we had not met the young man or even been close to my friend during the last fourteen years, we felt part of a bigger mission as we listened to their testimonies. The young man had taught his family many lessons about warming others with a perpetual smile, loving unconditionally, hugging passionately, keeping account of those who were "missing" from his presence, and making friends everywhere he went- including Europe!
I had wondered over the years if my friend would learn to draw close to Jesus while taking care of her son. I never did talk to her about it. Our family's Christmas letter and her family's Christmas letter were all the communication we had. They were very different. They seemed to be having great fun. God blessed them again with two more children, a lovely new home, and three outstanding years in Italy. No mention of the Lord's faithfulness. I was left to wonder or even suppose that my friend was able to fulfill her role as the mother of a special needs child without God. After hearing the testimonies of the parents, uncle and Grandfather, I knew it was God's strength. They have been stellar parents. Their love is amazing. The dignity they demonstrated towards their child puts most parents to shame. Whether they have acknowledged God is irrelevant. God was there! His fingerprints are all over their life. : ) My friends words were, "[Our son] taught us how to love unconditionally. He loved everyone. We can all learn from him." That's Jesus.
Before I go further I have to confess. Self-righteousness reared its ugly head: I was called with the news of the tragic death by the mother of another classmate at his request. He is the grieving mother's dearest lifelong friend. He didn't have my number but his mom did. I kept wondering why I was called. Did my classmate think that I have something to offer that would bless the grieving family. I wondered if it was Jesus...I was thankful to be included. The entire episode would have passed me by unnoticed since I do not frequent the obituaries. I assummed I would be able to somehow bless this family. Hopefully I will. But it wasn't during the funeral.
In short, the loving family, humble testimonies, and dignified treatment of the disabled, blessed me immensely. When we headed for home, I was the one who'd been touched by Jesus' testimony through the son and their loving parental example. There were so many things about them that did not indicate that they were likeminded with our family in daily practice however their love was clearly of a supernatural grade. My words to the grieving family seemed unimportant and lost in a sea of much more helpful supporters. My attendance seemed insignificant with so many gathered who are much closer to the deceased.
I still believed that God has a mission for me. Of course I've been praying since I received the initial news. I have barely thought of anything else. I pray before bed, everytime I wake up at night, and so forth. I don't want to underestimate prayer but I do want to do more. I found a great book about surviving the loss of a child in the Christian bookstore. I'm praying about the timing of sending or personally delivering the book. I promised my friend at the service that I would be around when everyone else had gone back to their normal lives. I've never even been to her house. So I am really praying about the timing of those "visits." I've purchased two cards of encouragment/sympathy and I mailed one today.
A couple of nights ago I remembered that someone had given my mother in law a prayer shawl when her middle son died suddenly five years ago. Apparently prayer shawl ministries are very popular in many churches. I wasn't familiar with the idea and I hadn't even seen one.
I found myself at the fabric store with one of our daughters last Monday, so I started looking at yarn. I noticed all the yarn was on sale but I didn't have any idea about how much to buy. I called my mother in law on my cell phone and she told me as much as she remembered...I was praying the whole time wondering if a prayer shawl would bless my friend. I walked back to a skein of yarn that had caught my attention initially. The mixture of colors reminded me of a sweater she wore in highschool. I bent over to take a closer look at it. There was a photo of a lady wearing something knit around her shoulders. Underneath her photo it said, free prayer shawl pattern inside label!!! You could've knocked me over with a feather! I have shopped for yarn probably four times a year for the last ten years or so. I have never seen a prayer shawl pattern, booklet, example or anything. There it was! Does God answer prayer? YES! Was He communicating with me? I think so. I read the directions. They were intended for beginners-ever better! I bought the four skeins for a great price and started immediately.
Over lunch I told all the children what had happened. I told everyone I talked to on Monday. Strangely by the evening it didn't seem so amazing. It always happens like that: God does something great and time causes me to forget how real it was or time provides plenty of time for rationalizing how it could've happened in a manner that has nothing to do with God.
I choose to praise Him.
I don't know if my friend will think the shawl is corny. I know I've been praying for her during most of the time I've been knitting for her. God is honored. I have sent her a note on facebook everyday either private or public and received no response. Not necessary. I am trying to minister to her. Whenever my ego gets involved I will not be able to bless her and glorify God. I know He is trying to mold me. But I can feel those old insecurities that were so common in highschool. "I'm stupid. Others think my ideas are stupid. They thing I'm a freak We have nothing in common. She doesn't want my brand of Christianity...." and so forth. I have to keep focused on God. I really want to be used by Him and maybe He's not going to make it easy for me. In His strength I'm going to continue to try to bless this friend.
Her situation makes me cry. I cannot imagine her pain and feelings of loss. I want to help. I know only God can minister to that depth of pain. I hope I am part of His plan. I think He's listening.
To God be the glory. Great things He has done!
We were able to attend the "celebration" of his life. Although we had not met the young man or even been close to my friend during the last fourteen years, we felt part of a bigger mission as we listened to their testimonies. The young man had taught his family many lessons about warming others with a perpetual smile, loving unconditionally, hugging passionately, keeping account of those who were "missing" from his presence, and making friends everywhere he went- including Europe!
I had wondered over the years if my friend would learn to draw close to Jesus while taking care of her son. I never did talk to her about it. Our family's Christmas letter and her family's Christmas letter were all the communication we had. They were very different. They seemed to be having great fun. God blessed them again with two more children, a lovely new home, and three outstanding years in Italy. No mention of the Lord's faithfulness. I was left to wonder or even suppose that my friend was able to fulfill her role as the mother of a special needs child without God. After hearing the testimonies of the parents, uncle and Grandfather, I knew it was God's strength. They have been stellar parents. Their love is amazing. The dignity they demonstrated towards their child puts most parents to shame. Whether they have acknowledged God is irrelevant. God was there! His fingerprints are all over their life. : ) My friends words were, "[Our son] taught us how to love unconditionally. He loved everyone. We can all learn from him." That's Jesus.
Before I go further I have to confess. Self-righteousness reared its ugly head: I was called with the news of the tragic death by the mother of another classmate at his request. He is the grieving mother's dearest lifelong friend. He didn't have my number but his mom did. I kept wondering why I was called. Did my classmate think that I have something to offer that would bless the grieving family. I wondered if it was Jesus...I was thankful to be included. The entire episode would have passed me by unnoticed since I do not frequent the obituaries. I assummed I would be able to somehow bless this family. Hopefully I will. But it wasn't during the funeral.
In short, the loving family, humble testimonies, and dignified treatment of the disabled, blessed me immensely. When we headed for home, I was the one who'd been touched by Jesus' testimony through the son and their loving parental example. There were so many things about them that did not indicate that they were likeminded with our family in daily practice however their love was clearly of a supernatural grade. My words to the grieving family seemed unimportant and lost in a sea of much more helpful supporters. My attendance seemed insignificant with so many gathered who are much closer to the deceased.
I still believed that God has a mission for me. Of course I've been praying since I received the initial news. I have barely thought of anything else. I pray before bed, everytime I wake up at night, and so forth. I don't want to underestimate prayer but I do want to do more. I found a great book about surviving the loss of a child in the Christian bookstore. I'm praying about the timing of sending or personally delivering the book. I promised my friend at the service that I would be around when everyone else had gone back to their normal lives. I've never even been to her house. So I am really praying about the timing of those "visits." I've purchased two cards of encouragment/sympathy and I mailed one today.
A couple of nights ago I remembered that someone had given my mother in law a prayer shawl when her middle son died suddenly five years ago. Apparently prayer shawl ministries are very popular in many churches. I wasn't familiar with the idea and I hadn't even seen one.
I found myself at the fabric store with one of our daughters last Monday, so I started looking at yarn. I noticed all the yarn was on sale but I didn't have any idea about how much to buy. I called my mother in law on my cell phone and she told me as much as she remembered...I was praying the whole time wondering if a prayer shawl would bless my friend. I walked back to a skein of yarn that had caught my attention initially. The mixture of colors reminded me of a sweater she wore in highschool. I bent over to take a closer look at it. There was a photo of a lady wearing something knit around her shoulders. Underneath her photo it said, free prayer shawl pattern inside label!!! You could've knocked me over with a feather! I have shopped for yarn probably four times a year for the last ten years or so. I have never seen a prayer shawl pattern, booklet, example or anything. There it was! Does God answer prayer? YES! Was He communicating with me? I think so. I read the directions. They were intended for beginners-ever better! I bought the four skeins for a great price and started immediately.
Over lunch I told all the children what had happened. I told everyone I talked to on Monday. Strangely by the evening it didn't seem so amazing. It always happens like that: God does something great and time causes me to forget how real it was or time provides plenty of time for rationalizing how it could've happened in a manner that has nothing to do with God.
I choose to praise Him.
I don't know if my friend will think the shawl is corny. I know I've been praying for her during most of the time I've been knitting for her. God is honored. I have sent her a note on facebook everyday either private or public and received no response. Not necessary. I am trying to minister to her. Whenever my ego gets involved I will not be able to bless her and glorify God. I know He is trying to mold me. But I can feel those old insecurities that were so common in highschool. "I'm stupid. Others think my ideas are stupid. They thing I'm a freak We have nothing in common. She doesn't want my brand of Christianity...." and so forth. I have to keep focused on God. I really want to be used by Him and maybe He's not going to make it easy for me. In His strength I'm going to continue to try to bless this friend.
Her situation makes me cry. I cannot imagine her pain and feelings of loss. I want to help. I know only God can minister to that depth of pain. I hope I am part of His plan. I think He's listening.
To God be the glory. Great things He has done!
