I saw a cardiologist today. My appointment with her was moved from Monday. She had not looked at any of my test results before she saw me. I told her everyone else's concerns about the various tests. She glanced at them and did not act concerned. She has given me an event monitor to wear for thirty days. I'm supposed to try to capture the EKG that comes with the dizzy spells by pressing the "record" button if it happens. Then I can send the recording to her office over the phone. At this time she was not recommending any other tests. We briefly discussed a second stress test but not with any immediate plan to perform it. I'm supposed to go back to her office in three weeks. She thinks I should use supplements to help with the symptoms as needed. She admitted that any medication she could prescribe would lower my heartrate and therefore wouldn't be wise. After all the excitement of the last two weeks, I felt my appointment with her was anti-climatic. I'm grateful.

Late last week we started asking our friends and family for prayer. Since Friday afternoon I have been feeling better and better. Today I had total peace on the way to, and in, the doctor's office. My heart hasn't felt this normal in weeks. I am grateful. I feel covered by prayer. God's peace does surpass understanding.

My children seem sweeter. I find myself being willing to listen to their little tales longer. Life is precious but it can be hard to appreciate that when it feels crazy all the time. I've been given another "perspective check" over the last two weeks. I'm grateful.

Yesterday was good. I received wise counsel from my chiropractor in the early morning by phone. I stayed off of the supplements that had been helping my arrhythmias for the last four days. I passed the treadmill stress test. We even discovered that all the arrhythmias stopped while I was exercising. When I finished the test, they resumed.

I was referred to a cardiologist who is very friendly and knowlegeable about nutrition. I will see her on Monday. I'm looking forward to talking with someone who knows a great deal about arrhythmias AND approves of nutritional cures. That doesn't guarantee that her recommendations for me will be "all natural" but atleast we'll be starting on the same page, I hope.

I "passed" the echocardiogram and bubble test afterall. I suppose my technician thought I'd failed it. But thankfully the cardiologists disagreed. At this time, we do not anticipate that I will need any heart surgery! That was a HUGE relief! Best of all, I went all day feeling good and not taking any supplements for my heart.

Lastly, all the other tests showed no bad results. I do have arrythmias, not deadly ones. I have been experiencing the symptoms of bradycardia, and that still needs to be addressed. But for two days now, I have felt practically normal and stress free!

At this time, I have no idea why I've had to walk this scary road. I don't understand why my heart was behaving so badly all last week, or why the slow pulse started two weeks ago. I do not see God's big picture in all this. And I still do not have any answers about what IS wrong. But I can still rest in Him. He has not forsaken me. I am thankful to be here with my family and hopeful that I will be able to complete the task He's set before me and with a healthy heart.

I am still asking for prayer for continued protection over my heart since I have been dipping into the forties and feeling faint. I also am asking for wisdom, as there are still decisions to make about who to see, when to go and how far to keep searching for answers.

God is continuing to write a great story. The last two days, on the supplements have been wonderful. I have been so very grateful to feel like myself again. My pulse has been between 52 and 60 with less pauses and PVCs. The nerve wrecking adrenal rushes have decreased too. I'm torn between giving the credit to the supplements and giving credit to all the prayers that are being lifted on my behalf. Either way, God should be glorified because He has been leading me all the way. In every decision I've made about caring for myself I've sought His counsel first. I've enjoyed thanking Him for feeling normal again.

Today we barely made it to church. We were late. I wasn't helpful since I kept announcing that I wasn't sure why we make the effort anyways. Many of us leave the service to care for little ones. Some days it seems that we are only a distraction. Clearly satan was attempting to keep me from being there. I wasn't wise to his scheme until the end of the service.

I had the pleasure of sharing the mothers' nursing room with a young mom, ten years my junior. She had sought my advice a couple of months ago about PVCs. Last week I shared what had been going on with me. Before I said anything about my week today, she gave me very encouraging information.

She sees a naturopath. I asked for his name. Then she told me how he and a well-known cardiologist were moving into a building together near the "heart hospital". So this well reputed cardiologist is supposedly, intentionally going to be working alongside a naturopath. The news was too good to believe. Ultimately I asked her to repeat it again.

I've already been told that my primary care doctor wants to send me to a cardiologist. I've also been advised to insist on going to the local "heart" hospital and not another if I require surgery. Now, I can hopefully be referred to this cardiologist who apparently atleast tolerates, if not prefers, to try alternative/nutritional treatments! I couldn't be any more fortunate in my happenstance this morning at church.

The young mother and I are becoming fast friends as we've shared our spiritual hearts as well. We've made confessions to one another and agreed to pray for one another.

I feel strengthened for the week ahead. Two other moms, the same as last week, in the nursing room, promised to pray for me too. One has a husband with a defibrillator in his chest and understands the many stresses and fears of walking through a cardiac investigation with medical doctors. That is a blessing too!

One Day at a Time

Yesterday was spent focusing on the "feelings" side of the last couple of weeks with this heart trouble. Sadly, I had a very panic stricken morning before it all got better. When I remembered that the joy of the LORD is my strength I decided to focus on it! I recovered, physically and emotionally from that valley.

In fact, by lunchtime I felt better than I have in two weeks. I had been covered in prayer all day due to meetings that my husband had with church friends, including our pastor, at breakfast and lunchtime, and a meeting I had with a long-time dear friend. My husband's meetings had been scheduled before my troubles started- yet another non-coincidence.

I decided to continue to pray for wisdom while I'm waiting for the medical community to give their advice. I still haven't heard from my doctor about Thursday's echocardiogram. I do know he is out of town right now though.

Regardless of whether there is a plumbing problem in my heart, I still have these bothersome rhythms to live with. Since I've read that these supplements have worked for other people like me, I started to work on a plan for taking taurine, l-arginine, and CoQ10 to try to eliminate or decrease the arrhythmias. Thankfully I had some success.

Today I'm working a slighly different plan and continuing to beg God for wisdom and knowledge in each step. Since I'm breastfeeding I researched repeatedly for side effects and found none. I still want to take the smallest dose necessary to be feeling ok, for baby's safety and mine.

The short story on my feelings is that I know God is bigger than all my collected concerns and potential problems. He can use me as He wills to reach others. I've repeatedly tried to submit my heart (spiritual and physical) to Him and not worry. I tend to cling to my desire to breastfeed tightly. It doesn't fit with advanced cardiac diagnostic tests and procedures of course, so there could come a time when I have to give it up. But I've asked the LORD to tell me or my husband when we reach that point. I know the doctors don't care about my breastfeeding. We have competing goals at times. Once I'm in their care, they just hope I don't die b/c they made a mistake or failed to test me thoroughly enough. I'm hoping for the least invasive solution, or maybe just to put off some invasive events until the baby is older. I realize that I may not have that luxury. I'm reminding myself that it would be ok.

Some random realizations I've had:

~For God the end does justify the means. He often uses/allows temporal means to bring spiritual results.

~Just before the low pulse started, I had prayed often that God would give me a heart like His. I recognize that I do not love enough or like He does and I desire that. When I prayed "change my heart oh God" I wasn't thinking of surgery. : ) But whatever it takes, note my first point.

~When I was a little girl I thought there was something wrong with my heart. I had many chest pains right over my heart. And I greatly feared that I might die. Eventually I grew out of the pains and the fears. But now, it seems strange that I could've been partially correct.

I'm enjoying my family, as crazy as it is, and trying to cherish everyone. Life with nine does not slow down even if Mom is not herself!

Traditional AND Alternative

Today I woke up feeling badly. It was very much like last Monday when this all started. I felt a little dizzy and numb-headed. I could tell that my heart was completely uncoordinated. After lunch I remembered that I had stopped taking taurine a couple weeks ago. It is an amino acid that I have used for years to prevent asthma symptoms and even eye fatigue. By eliminating the asthma symptoms I could avoid many arrhythmias too. In short, it helps muscles get more oxygen.

I suddenly wondered if that had anything to do with my increased heart troubles of late. I took a few capsules and ran to the computer to do a quick Google research. In less than five minutes I discovered that taurine had been proven to eliminate many harmless arrhythmia's including PVCs!!! The doses were large 3-10grams a day. Taurine comes in 500mg capsules. I had never taken more than six capsules in a day. I was extremely excited about the news and hoped it would work for me. Before I went to my echocardiogram I took several more (for a total of 3 grams) and noticed that my pulse had increased to 6o but I still had many PVCs. I also left a message for my chiropractor so that I could get her advice.

During the echocardiogram I could see my abnormal rhythm and the associated pictures of my heart. Basically the structure of my heart was looking good. The last test was called a bubble test. We were able to see actual bubbles inside my left chambers. The test was for an atrial septal defect. When that part of my test was complete the demeanor of my technician changed completely. She'd been communicative, friendly, and interactive. Suddenly she shut down and sent me out. I hesitated long enough to ask her about it but she reminded me that she wasn't allowed to make any diagnoses. My stomach sank and filled with butterflies. I won't know for sure until the cardiology office communicates with my primary care...hopefully tomorrow he'll call us.

At this point I've had enough time to research adult ASDs and it seems to make sense, if it's true. If I have one, it should be repaired. I'm hoping that taking taurine will keep my heart rhythm regular until our baby is finished nursing. I took a few more taurine tonight and I'm having NO PVCs! Praise the Lord! I cannot wait to tell my (traditional) doctor that this supplement is working. And I am so thankful that my chiropractor sweetly advised me how to manage it.

Today I am thankful that my doctor insisted that I have the echocardiogram with the bubble study. He may have led us to the problem that has been bothering me for atleast twenty years. (Since it is congenital I would've actually had it for forty years) Traditional medicine will need to make the repair if my suspicions of the results are true. Alternative medicine will keep me strong until I'm ready and help me recover when it's over.

Well those are the facts of the day. The feelings...they are a different story for another day. But, God is still God no matter what path my life takes. We sang tonight during family worship:

Blessed Be Your Name
In the land that is plentiful
Where Your streams of abundance flow
Blessed be Your name

Blessed Be Your name
When I'm found in the desert place
Though I walk through the wilderness
Blessed Be Your name

Every blessing You pour out
I'll turn back to praise
When the darkness closes in, Lord
Still I will say

Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your name
Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your glorious name

Blessed be Your name
When the sun's shining down on me
When the world's 'all as it should be'
Blessed be Your name

Blessed be Your name
On the road marked with suffering
Though there's pain in the offering
Blessed be Your name

Every blessing You pour out
I'll turn back to praise
When the darkness closes in, Lord
Still I will say

chorus

You give and take away
You give and take away
My heart will choose to say
Lord, blessed be Your name

Traditional or Alternative (part 2)

It seems like a very long time since the last entry because so much happened yesterday. I'm torn between writing it all down and telling an interesting story. I'm chosing to document my thoughts and experiences. I'm trusting God for a great story.

Today I'm at home in the final hours of the 24 hour Holter cardiac monitor. Even in the middle of the night I felt nervous and know this greatly affects my typically abnormal heart rythyms. I don't know the reason for the nervousness but it has continued this morning and is affecting my whole body.

Yesterday, I did have the mineral IV. Unfortunately, I don't feel any different this morning. My pulse is still 52.

Although my medical doctor had not given me any report from last Friday's thyroid panel and etc. he had already scheduled more blood to be drawn when I arrived for the Holter yesterday. That was frustrating to me since I wasn't expecting to be taken to the lab and wondered if the results would be skewed because of the IV fluids. I was forced to tell him that I'd had the IV, which I'd previously decided wasn't important to share since I was certain he wouldn't agree with my chiropractor's decision. I was right. He thought dehydration was a silly concern and the IV was unwarranted. Although my lab results do rightly point to the possibility. There are many possibilities, and that's why it's so easy for practitioners to disagree. I had a questionably high potassium, yet I was given a potassium tablet with my IV at the other medical doctor's office. That was the start of the "train wreck" I was involved in for the remainder of the day. My medical doctor and the more naturally oriented medical doctor whose office gave the IV were destined to talk with one another.

My medical doctor and I had a short discussion about why my chiropractor sends her patients to him. The truth is ugly, but it took me most of the day to realize it. In Virginia chiropractors can order laboratory tests but most insurances will not pay for them. It presents a problem if a patient is sent to a medical doctor with some ideas in their head about what might be wrong and even specific recommendations for labs to be drawn and ultimately covered by insurance. When the results come in the patient chooses to be treated by the chiropractor's techniques leaving the doctor, if he knows it, feeling used and ignored. Yuck! If he's arrogant or very concerned for his patient's health, he's going to respond negatively. My doctor was level-headed, honest and concerned.

I communicated the entire scenario to my chiropractor and encouraged her to seek a peaceful solution. She was very concerned, and determined to attempt to make things better. Either the two of them will agree to work together, or my chiropractor's patients will have to pay for their labs. That means that most will not have the labs performed, therefore missing important medical information.

In the best interest of patients a collaborative effort must be implemented. But how? They do not agree. How can they? Their training barely overlaps. They are unaware of the common ground they share. Generally a medical doctor will refute every idea of the chiroprator/functional medicine doctor.

I was suspicious that this confrontation would ultimately happen. I am praying for wisdom about how to be a mediator as I walk through my medical cardiac investigation. I think I owe my doctor an apology for not considering his feelings on my "two-timing" approach. However, I plan to continue to listen to both professionals' advice, so saying anything could make my doctor release me from his care. Afterall that's what one of those forms I signed on the clipboard said: that I will follow his treatment plan. I hand wrote a note there saying I would follow as we discussed his plan, but he wouldn't have noticed it. He only looks at the computerized version of my chart.

On a more personal note, my medical doctor conducted a 12 lead EKG in his office showing PVCs, bigemeny in fact. I've seen all that before. I was having both in college when I started to investigate my heart initially. The print out from the computer was disturbing though. It had listed (for the doctor's consideration) many cardiac problems...scary ones. I'm not even going to look them up. Afterall it said at the top of the sheet that a doctor should make the determination of a diagnosis not the computer. After seeing it, my doctor concluded that he would be sending me to a cardiologist. I've seen two before. One around my twentieth year, and another around my thirtieth year. I'll be forty in November. Maybe it's just time for my trip to a cardiologist. The last two times they assured me that I was ok, could take a cardiac med to make me feel better, but it wasn't entirely necessary, Of course, I never took a cardiac drug. I wonder if I'll be so fortunate this time.

This morning, I looked at Joshua and wondered if I will live to see him grow up. I questioned whether that was a wise thought from the Lord to sober me up or a condemning thought from the enemy to scare me. I decided to make sure that I do everything that I can to increase the possibility that I will be here for him. Looking into those beautiful baby blues and then being struck with the realization that my "job" of mothering him includes the next twenty years, not just one or two, encouraged me not to fight every medical test or recommendation that I'm encountering.

I felt sorry for myself while being stuck for the third time in four days yesterday. Later, I remembered I'll be stuck atleast once more tomorrow for the echocardiogram. I can't feel bad for more than a couple of seconds, because I am too familiar with the thousands of reasons that millions of people are being stuck by needles these days. I am fortunate. But I always knew I didn't want to be in the company of those needing "medicine".

That thought leads me back to God. Even my medical doctor, during a personal, not professional conversation, last week reminded me that Jesus is a man of sorrows and we are to expect to share in His sufferings. He and I agreed none of us like that part of Christianity. (He wasn't talking about me, but how my stepfather has fought cancer this year) Our life has been so full of blessings and we have always given God the glory for it. Looking around at the lives of others has caused me to wonder when would it be our turn to suffer too.

When Isaac (our third) was born with problems and required a full year of intensive care at home, we "suffered" some. It didn't feel like it since we were fighting for him all the way. We drew close to God and He to us. It was a spiritual mountain top experience. But we would not have chosen it and do not care to repeat it. Honestly, I suppose we are all afraid of having to suffer, be sad, sick or possibly leave or lose our loved ones. For these fears there is the mighty Word of God. Praise the Lord! I'll be focusing there more intently this week. I'll have to.

While I've been writing this my nervousness has disappeared. I feel good. I am thankful.

Traditional or Alternative?

Over the last week I have been on a roller coaster of wondering "what is wrong with me." Last Monday we (all nine children and me) took a short trip to the boardwalk. On our way back to the van I started to feel light-headed. Unfortunately, while driving home I felt somewhat numb in my head...Thankfully, we made it home safely, abbreviating our trip. I had attributed the morning's symptoms to dehydration or a mineral imbalance. So, I probably drank alot and took minerals. I don't remember how I felt for the rest of the day but at bedtime I took my pulse. It was in the low 40s. That is generally low enough to make someone pass out and have their friends and loved-ones call paramedics. I wondered what was happening, said a prayer, and went to sleep.

The next morning, I checked my pulse again. Same thing. Low 40s. I was feeling a little panicked since I am a RN (in early retirement) and therefore do know some things after working in ICU, etc. The only person I know who has had this pulse, passed out and immmediately received a pacemaker. He was a young man...

I continued to focus on praying for wisdom, hydrating, eating well, and taking minerals along with my normal supplements. I called my chiropractor/nutritional specialist for advice or an appointment. She was booked. Her short term suggestion helped me to feel better but did not improve my heartrate.

By Thursday,both my chiropractor and I suspected a postpartum hypothyroid. She wanted my TSH checked. This would require a trip to the family doctor. I dreaded that because I knew he would be very concerned about the bradycardia (low pulse) and possibly insist upon intrusive and dangerous studies that I don't want to have performed on me. On Friday morning he saw me and ordered many labs to be ordered, including the thyroid panel, female hormones, and the typical other stuff. He also ordered various studies of my heart and insisted that I go to an ER if I have dizziness.

Today I saw my chiropractor. She had already acquired my lab results and assured me that I wasn't going to die when she first entered the room. I thought it strange that she would mention that possibility, although I had secretly wondered. Thankfully my appointment with her had been made months earlier and for a long visit too. Thanks to her, tomorrow I'm seeing another medical doctor who uses natural techniques for treating many medical problems. At his office I will be given IV fluid. Apparently, I am deeply dehydrated as indicated by high kidney/liver/blood study results. It isn't something that can be resolved by drinking more or even taking more supplements. But the expectation is that one course of IV fluids with minerals will set everything in order! Praise the Lord! It's my chiropractor who is setting this up after reading my (medically ordered) lab test results! I am so grateful for her and wonder if my medical doctor will come to the same conclusion. I haven't heard from him yet.

Also tomorrow I will have a Holter cardiac monitor placed at my family doctor's office for a 24 hour study of my heart's rhythm. Hopefully, I'll be in normal sinus rhythm after the IV.

On Thursday I'm scheduled for both an echocardiogram and a treadmill stress test. Thankfully all these diagnostics are painless, near our home and somewhat breastfeeding friendly.

One perk of having all this done is that we discovered that my progesterone is so low that I should not be able to even make breastmilk. Now, I'm taking an herbal supplement, from my chiropractor, that is supposed to have an immediate effect on this hormone. I will have many happy results from increasing progesterone. I look forward to that! Best of all, I should have a wonderful supply of milk for our precious little one.

Another secondary blessing is that now we know why the baby and I have been in gastric distress nearly everyday since his birth. My liver enzymes being slightly elevated indicate that I haven't been able to eliminate toxins from my body which causes alot of gas. We've managed ok with herbal tea and simethicone drops. Now we are on a natural supplement with herbs and some l-glutamine for soothing digestion. And when I am effectively rehydrated, I can clean up my liver enough to stop this process. Both the baby and I should be feeling much better soon!

So, can bradycardia be caused by dehydration? I hope so. If not, I pray we discover whatever God wants us to find out very soon.

However, all the while, I've been asking God if He doesn't have another reason for allowing all of this inconvenience (and some justified fear) into my life. Only a month ago we started a personal relationship with our family doctor and his family of 12. It was so unexpected that during the baby's first checkup they invited us over to their home, and later insisted that we stay for dinner. They are a wonderful family and we all enjoyed them immensely. We were even planning a second get together and began to discuss it more seriously with the wife on the morning I made my appointment with her husband. I don't believe in coincidence. It seems our families are meant to share time together and have already been very blessed by the new relationship. Their youngest is 16, while that is the age of our eldest. So we bring sweet memories to their minds of years gone by when they were younger and all sharing life together. They remind us that our children will grow up to be loving and family oriented adults one day. It's a nice trade.

This medical doctor and my chiropractor share many patients. Most medical doctors do not favor the care or input of a chiroprator. I have seen that look in my doctor's eye when I've mentioned something about my health history that relates to my chiropractor. I learned today that the relationship has become recently strained between them but not for any particular reason...now I'm wondering if our family might be used as a tool to bring that multi-disciplinary relationship into order.

We have seen our chiropractor almost monthly for seven years. We barely ever see a medical doctor. We love using vitamins, herbs and minerals rather than drugs to help bring our bodies back into alignment with God's plan. In an emergency, or just to maintain a history of medical care, that the world would view as responsible, we take our children for check ups to a medical doctor. Now because of my dilemma, I'm in the middle, between traditional and alternative medicine. I am at peace and quite thankful for them both. But I'm wondering if the Lord will use this situation to help bring peace between those two practices?

Whatever the outcome of the tests, I desire to be obedient and always glorifying to God in the process. I am praying that my words will be soothing and helpful as we enjoy the fellowship of our doctor and his family during our personal time together. I'm even writing all of this in hopes that one day in the future I'll be able to look back and see the hand of God in our lives and remember that this is how it all started. For now it seems like a strange assortment of coincidences. I don't believe in coincidence.

How Deep the Father's Love for Us

How deep the Father's love for us,
How vast beyond all measure
That He should give His only Son
To make a wretch His treasure

How great the pain of searing loss,
The Father turns His face away
As wounds which mar the chosen One,
Bring many sons to glory

Behold the Man upon a cross,
My sin upon His shoulders
Ashamed I hear my mocking voice,
Call out among the scoffers

It was my sin that held Him there
Until it was accomplished
His dying breath has brought me life
I know that it is finished

I will not boast in anything
No gifts, no power, no wisdom
But I will boast in Jesus Christ
His death and resurrection

Why should I gain from His reward?
I cannot give an answer
But this I know with all my heart
His wounds have paid my ransom


This is such a beautiful song with deep meaning. Our youngest girls are learning it. Anna, who is eight, can play it on the guitar. Last night, Anna, Joy(6), and Mary(4) were on my bed playing and singing it, and trying to teach it to me while I nursed the baby. Noah(2) was trying to sing along as he played with a Playmobil man on my nursing chair arm.

It was a lovely picture. It was one of those precious moments in motherhood that I would like to preserve in a bottle. Then I could open it when times at home with nine children do not feel so sweet. Or I could show it to myself when I doubt that all we do really matters in Kingdom terms. ("Seek ye first the kingdom of God!") I asked them to sing it over and over while I tried to learn all the words, and hang onto the living treasure.

Kendal and Kelsey have played this song on the guitar and piano together for months. Anna was the second seat/string guitarist, if Kelsey wasn't available. Now the younger ones can sing it alone. In this case, Kendal and Kelsey started a "good thing".

Steve and Teri Maxwell have always taught that parents should wet their children's appetites for the right things. Giving our children guitars, encouraging them to learn to play, and learning alongside them birthed a lovely season in our life. Kendal plays fluently and plays so that our family can worship nightly together, and even for friends who spend an evening with us. Kelsey and Anna also play well. Not to be outdone by Kendal, Anna practices regularly and enjoys playing for while we sing.

Our first guitar book was full of praise songs and hymns. Our second, and thus far, final book, is a larger book of worship songs. Not by accident, the guitar students in our home use their new talent to worship God. They won't be performing for applause, except the applause of Heaven.

It was heart-warming to watch the three little girls last night. I'd love to include a video here but attempting to record it would've tainted the sweetness of our family moment. : )

Most of all, I pray the rich words of such songs as "How Deep the Father's Love for Us" will be etched upon their hearts forever and that they will always cherish these memories of their childhood!

The Blessings of a Sewing Legacy

When I was growing up my mother always made our dresses for special occasions. As I grew older, people were calling upon her to sew clothes for their special events. She may have made her own clothing when we were little, but mostly I remember that she sewed costumes, dressy clothes, and hard to find items. Her mother and grandmother were both skilled seamstresses. "Granny" and "Mema" could make anything, thus, so can my mother.

I realized over the years that my mom was rare. Other girls' moms did not know how to sew. They purchased all of their clothing, including prom, wedding, and holiday dresses. Many of them couldn't even hem pants or sew on buttons! Their daughters didn't learn either.

I watched my mother sew sometimes. She probably did most of her work while we were at school to avoid being interrupted. She did not try to teach me how to sew. When I was fourteen or fifteen I asked for a sewing machine for Christmas. I think she had told me that I could not use her machine to learn and that I would need my own. My parents kindly bought a portable machine and I began to learn. I became easily discouraged as I tried to decipher the patterns. Often I would rely on Mom to help me understand. Therefore, I only sewed a couple times a year. That continued through my early years of marriage and parenthood. These days, I can usually find my answers on the internet. And I sew monthly, if not weekly. I am forever grateful for a mother, grandmother and great-grandmother who sew(ed). I am not intimidated by any project that I determine to be worthwhile, no matter how challenging. I get that from my mother too. She has a "can do" attitude.

My eldest girls are sixteen and fourteen. They can both choose and buy their own fabrics and patterns and have made several dresses. They can repair and alter clothing. I encouraged them to buy their own machine to share, but only because we were all wanting to sew at the same time and had only one working machine. They are far ahead of where I was, as a seamstress, at their ages.

These days, Kendal made our many of our window treatments, designs her own clothes, makes her own patterns, and has made patterns for our littler girls too. She has even taught a friend how to sew her own dress. Kelsey has made a couple of dresses and altered/repaired many skirts from the thrift store. Most recently, I've made baby slings, ballet skirts, throw pillows, tee-shirt dresses, night gowns, maternity outfits, and baby blankets. We are blessed to know how to make things for ourselves.

When Kendal was very young we bought a small quilt kit for her from Vision Forum. Once she learned how to make a nine patch quilt, she began to make them from all the material scraps of dresses I'd been making for her and Kelsey. She then taught Kelsey and me. Her hope chest is full of nine patches made from our family's scraps. In fact, Kelsey and I also have strips from many projects that will later be converted into our own quilts. It will be such a treasure one day to look at each piece and remember the little girls in their homemade dresses.

I usually scramble and make dresses for every girl for Easter. Kendal and Kelsey made their own this year and I made one for my pregnant self and for Joy. But my favorite and most practical clothing to make is a tee shirt dress. We purchase high quality knit tops from Lands' End overstocks and find bargain fabrics to match for skirts. Until the girls are old enough to wear ladies' sized skirts from the thriftstore, our daughters wear these dresses everyday (from one to about twelve years of age). Most of those tee shirt dresses cost us $2-$10. Often times we were given nice shirts and sometimes fabric and we were able to match them up and make dresses for free. For cold weather or rowdy activities we add leggings or shorts. (We also keep a supply of jeans for the really cold or hardy events outdoors) I've especially enjoyed adding rickrack, lace or other trims that I found in a bargain bin or at a yard sale.

Material is expensive. Patterns are too. Bargains can be found though. And money can be saved. Most importantly, modest, beautiful clothing is still available if you are willing to learn how to sew! Even better, teach someone else how to do it too!

Three weeks

It's hard to believe that our new baby was born three weeks ago! He's getting a little chubby and doesn't look as much like a newborn anymore. : ) He's finally starting to see our faces and maybe even smile intentionally. He chuckles in his sleep and has two dimples.

It is all very amazing to spend nearly every minute with a newborn and still look back and wonder how he grew up so quickly! It just happens minute by minute. Life truly is the accumulation of little moments. I'm trying to soak them up. I think I understand what the Bible means where it says that, "Mary treasured all these things in her heart." They are treasures.

Having a newborn is one of the best rewards of motherhood to me. I can remember as a very young girl being dissatisfied with babydolls. I really wanted a real baby to hold and love. I was ten when a baby sister was born and I adored her. My mother let me take care of her and I loved it. I had only been graduated from college nine months when I became pregnant for the first time. In spite of all the illness, lack of sleep, and breastfeeding difficulties I loved being pregnant and being a new mom. All of my memories with Kendal are good ones. She was a fussy baby. She wasn't an excellent nurser. But none of those things mattered at all. It was blissful to me. The same happened with Kelsey, Isaac, Daniel, Anna, Joy, Mary, Noah and Joshua. So far, no amount of pain, sleep loss or difficulty has lessened my joy. It is a gift from God and I hope to continue to appreciate it all.

I meant to watch very closely so that I could (for once) take note of all the subtle newborn changes...when the ears gain thickness and hold their shape, the toenails and fingernails harden and grow straigh out, the eyelashes appear, the eyebrowns can be seen, the last bit of newborn skin is shed. I forgot to write each one down when I noticed it. Maybe I'll remember next time, if I have another newborn one day...

On Joshua's two week birthday, a friend of ours took the following photo of him. They have ten (nearly all grown) children in their family and we had a wonderful time getting to know them last weekend. Our two large families got along so nicely. Mostly because their grown boys were very gracious with our younger ones. He (Jesse) also took about a hundred snapshots of our other children playing in their family's pool. It was a fun afternoon and we really love their family and this photograph. We hope that Jesse will one day take a photo of our whole family together, since he offered, and clearly knows how to take a great picture.


Joshua was three weeks on the day I took this picture.