Our God is so Good!

Sometimes Christians say to one another: "God is good all the time." and reply, "All the time, God is good."

I've been pondering God's goodness lately.

As I am reading through the Psalms in my quiet time I am noticing how often the author comments on God's goodness. This morning I read:

"For the LORD God is a sun and shield: the LORD will give grace and glory: no good thing will he withhold from them that walk uprightly." Psalm 84:11

"For thou, Lord, art good, and ready to forgive; and plenteous in mercy unto all them that call upon thee." Psalm 86:4-6

"Oh that men would praise the LORD for his goodness, and for his wonderful works to the children of men!" Psalm 107:14-16
That sentence is repeated three times in Psalm 107!

We have been singing a song at church called, "You are Good". The words are simple and biblically sound. I love Kari Jobe's version on YouTube. She is the worship leader at Gateway in Dallas. Clearly they have an upbeat, modern, and young worship style. That venue is not necessarily our family's preference for Sunday morning, however, this song really touches my heart. She sings it like no one else I've heard. (By the way, she has written and sung many other worshipful songs) Currently, our whole family is singing this one day and night! (Last month "Revelation Song" was our favorite)

Our God is so good and we know He loves to hear us sing about it! I've posted the YouTube video below. I hope it works! Be blessed!

Joshua

This is my new favorite photo of our baby. (although it's slightly blurry b/c I love to take photos without a flash) He is eleven weeks old and nearly fourteen pounds! This outfit is more "big boy" looking than his others. It's a true Polo with feet! Too cute! He has nearly lost all of his original hair, and it is being replaced with very blonde hair. We have so much fun watching these little ones grow into beautiful people!

I continue to feel well with no episodes with my heart! I am so thankful!

God's "Motherly" Qualities

I've been thinking that if as humans, our motherly qualities come from God, then obviously He had them first so...

Does He love to see us smile?

Does He love to hear us laugh?

Does He enjoy it when we delight in Him and talk to Him?

Does He love to hear the sigh of contentment as we rest in His arms?

Does He love to feed us and know that we are satisfied and healthy?

Does He love to watch us sleep?

Does He adore our beautiful physical qualities?

Does He rejoice over our growth?

Does He mourn over the loss of our childlikeness?

Does His heart hurt when we are sad or hurt?

This is how I feel about my children, especially as little babies. How wonderful it is to imagine God, as the perfect mother/father combination, feeling the same about me.

Returning to "Normal"

I am really enjoying having my life back. Today we put together our new trampoline. It is always a great treat to work alongside my enthusiastic children. I have several "older" ones now and that means that I do not have to know it all or do it all. We work as a team! I love it!

As soon as the assembly was completed, we started taking turns.
Anna...
Joy...
Kendal, then Kendal with Mary, who needed a little help, but only on her first turn! Kelsey was the highest jumper!
Issac... Daniel had a turn, then helped Noah, who also wasn't ready to jump alone. I took a couple of turns too, but prefer not to publish the photos. : ) Noah was my sweet companion on the deck steps eating sweet potato chips in his cowboy hat. Children were racing and swinging in the background. It was really a nice afternoon. Thankfully Joshua slept long enough for us to assemble the trampoline and safety net and have a few turns on it. These are (not so attractive) shots we took this week of our two month old baby. He looks quite chubby! In this one it looks like he's pointing to himself with his thumb. We are blessed!

I saw my chiropractor this morning and was somewhat disappointed with her news. She and the cardiologist had talked over the weekend. It seems that after looking over all my test results, the cardiologist was not quite as easy going as she'd been with me in the office. She wants to find the root problem of the frequent PVCs and the drop in my pulse. I'll be calling her back to see when she wants to see me next and update her on the improvement of all my symptoms. I'm also going to ask for more specific directions for recording with the event monitor.

I'm thinking they should redraw the blood tests and redo the 24 hour Holter monitor so they can see how healthy I am currently. It's possible that only another postpartum experience would bring about the bad symptoms again according to my chiropractor. But she still agrees that the root issue needs to be discovered. I'll continue to pray that God will reveal everything that needs to be revealed. I'd also be grateful to accept total healing of my heart!

Two Months Already???

It's true! Our baby is two months old! We haven't taken as many photos during the last two weeks but we did capture both of his dimples and a huge smile!

Daddy's making a crazy face, but we do whatever it takes around here to make a baby smile!
Noah really loves his baby brother. He always insists on greeting him when he enters a room, telling him "bye", "goodnight", etc. Weve never had such a keen two year old before. The baby is always on Noah's radar.

You can't see the baby well, but it's a sweet group shot. I worked all week to get a great one of all nine. It never happened! We need a panoramic, I guess.

I saw a cardiologist today. My appointment with her was moved from Monday. She had not looked at any of my test results before she saw me. I told her everyone else's concerns about the various tests. She glanced at them and did not act concerned. She has given me an event monitor to wear for thirty days. I'm supposed to try to capture the EKG that comes with the dizzy spells by pressing the "record" button if it happens. Then I can send the recording to her office over the phone. At this time she was not recommending any other tests. We briefly discussed a second stress test but not with any immediate plan to perform it. I'm supposed to go back to her office in three weeks. She thinks I should use supplements to help with the symptoms as needed. She admitted that any medication she could prescribe would lower my heartrate and therefore wouldn't be wise. After all the excitement of the last two weeks, I felt my appointment with her was anti-climatic. I'm grateful.

Late last week we started asking our friends and family for prayer. Since Friday afternoon I have been feeling better and better. Today I had total peace on the way to, and in, the doctor's office. My heart hasn't felt this normal in weeks. I am grateful. I feel covered by prayer. God's peace does surpass understanding.

My children seem sweeter. I find myself being willing to listen to their little tales longer. Life is precious but it can be hard to appreciate that when it feels crazy all the time. I've been given another "perspective check" over the last two weeks. I'm grateful.

Yesterday was good. I received wise counsel from my chiropractor in the early morning by phone. I stayed off of the supplements that had been helping my arrhythmias for the last four days. I passed the treadmill stress test. We even discovered that all the arrhythmias stopped while I was exercising. When I finished the test, they resumed.

I was referred to a cardiologist who is very friendly and knowlegeable about nutrition. I will see her on Monday. I'm looking forward to talking with someone who knows a great deal about arrhythmias AND approves of nutritional cures. That doesn't guarantee that her recommendations for me will be "all natural" but atleast we'll be starting on the same page, I hope.

I "passed" the echocardiogram and bubble test afterall. I suppose my technician thought I'd failed it. But thankfully the cardiologists disagreed. At this time, we do not anticipate that I will need any heart surgery! That was a HUGE relief! Best of all, I went all day feeling good and not taking any supplements for my heart.

Lastly, all the other tests showed no bad results. I do have arrythmias, not deadly ones. I have been experiencing the symptoms of bradycardia, and that still needs to be addressed. But for two days now, I have felt practically normal and stress free!

At this time, I have no idea why I've had to walk this scary road. I don't understand why my heart was behaving so badly all last week, or why the slow pulse started two weeks ago. I do not see God's big picture in all this. And I still do not have any answers about what IS wrong. But I can still rest in Him. He has not forsaken me. I am thankful to be here with my family and hopeful that I will be able to complete the task He's set before me and with a healthy heart.

I am still asking for prayer for continued protection over my heart since I have been dipping into the forties and feeling faint. I also am asking for wisdom, as there are still decisions to make about who to see, when to go and how far to keep searching for answers.

God is continuing to write a great story. The last two days, on the supplements have been wonderful. I have been so very grateful to feel like myself again. My pulse has been between 52 and 60 with less pauses and PVCs. The nerve wrecking adrenal rushes have decreased too. I'm torn between giving the credit to the supplements and giving credit to all the prayers that are being lifted on my behalf. Either way, God should be glorified because He has been leading me all the way. In every decision I've made about caring for myself I've sought His counsel first. I've enjoyed thanking Him for feeling normal again.

Today we barely made it to church. We were late. I wasn't helpful since I kept announcing that I wasn't sure why we make the effort anyways. Many of us leave the service to care for little ones. Some days it seems that we are only a distraction. Clearly satan was attempting to keep me from being there. I wasn't wise to his scheme until the end of the service.

I had the pleasure of sharing the mothers' nursing room with a young mom, ten years my junior. She had sought my advice a couple of months ago about PVCs. Last week I shared what had been going on with me. Before I said anything about my week today, she gave me very encouraging information.

She sees a naturopath. I asked for his name. Then she told me how he and a well-known cardiologist were moving into a building together near the "heart hospital". So this well reputed cardiologist is supposedly, intentionally going to be working alongside a naturopath. The news was too good to believe. Ultimately I asked her to repeat it again.

I've already been told that my primary care doctor wants to send me to a cardiologist. I've also been advised to insist on going to the local "heart" hospital and not another if I require surgery. Now, I can hopefully be referred to this cardiologist who apparently atleast tolerates, if not prefers, to try alternative/nutritional treatments! I couldn't be any more fortunate in my happenstance this morning at church.

The young mother and I are becoming fast friends as we've shared our spiritual hearts as well. We've made confessions to one another and agreed to pray for one another.

I feel strengthened for the week ahead. Two other moms, the same as last week, in the nursing room, promised to pray for me too. One has a husband with a defibrillator in his chest and understands the many stresses and fears of walking through a cardiac investigation with medical doctors. That is a blessing too!

One Day at a Time

Yesterday was spent focusing on the "feelings" side of the last couple of weeks with this heart trouble. Sadly, I had a very panic stricken morning before it all got better. When I remembered that the joy of the LORD is my strength I decided to focus on it! I recovered, physically and emotionally from that valley.

In fact, by lunchtime I felt better than I have in two weeks. I had been covered in prayer all day due to meetings that my husband had with church friends, including our pastor, at breakfast and lunchtime, and a meeting I had with a long-time dear friend. My husband's meetings had been scheduled before my troubles started- yet another non-coincidence.

I decided to continue to pray for wisdom while I'm waiting for the medical community to give their advice. I still haven't heard from my doctor about Thursday's echocardiogram. I do know he is out of town right now though.

Regardless of whether there is a plumbing problem in my heart, I still have these bothersome rhythms to live with. Since I've read that these supplements have worked for other people like me, I started to work on a plan for taking taurine, l-arginine, and CoQ10 to try to eliminate or decrease the arrhythmias. Thankfully I had some success.

Today I'm working a slighly different plan and continuing to beg God for wisdom and knowledge in each step. Since I'm breastfeeding I researched repeatedly for side effects and found none. I still want to take the smallest dose necessary to be feeling ok, for baby's safety and mine.

The short story on my feelings is that I know God is bigger than all my collected concerns and potential problems. He can use me as He wills to reach others. I've repeatedly tried to submit my heart (spiritual and physical) to Him and not worry. I tend to cling to my desire to breastfeed tightly. It doesn't fit with advanced cardiac diagnostic tests and procedures of course, so there could come a time when I have to give it up. But I've asked the LORD to tell me or my husband when we reach that point. I know the doctors don't care about my breastfeeding. We have competing goals at times. Once I'm in their care, they just hope I don't die b/c they made a mistake or failed to test me thoroughly enough. I'm hoping for the least invasive solution, or maybe just to put off some invasive events until the baby is older. I realize that I may not have that luxury. I'm reminding myself that it would be ok.

Some random realizations I've had:

~For God the end does justify the means. He often uses/allows temporal means to bring spiritual results.

~Just before the low pulse started, I had prayed often that God would give me a heart like His. I recognize that I do not love enough or like He does and I desire that. When I prayed "change my heart oh God" I wasn't thinking of surgery. : ) But whatever it takes, note my first point.

~When I was a little girl I thought there was something wrong with my heart. I had many chest pains right over my heart. And I greatly feared that I might die. Eventually I grew out of the pains and the fears. But now, it seems strange that I could've been partially correct.

I'm enjoying my family, as crazy as it is, and trying to cherish everyone. Life with nine does not slow down even if Mom is not herself!

Traditional AND Alternative

Today I woke up feeling badly. It was very much like last Monday when this all started. I felt a little dizzy and numb-headed. I could tell that my heart was completely uncoordinated. After lunch I remembered that I had stopped taking taurine a couple weeks ago. It is an amino acid that I have used for years to prevent asthma symptoms and even eye fatigue. By eliminating the asthma symptoms I could avoid many arrhythmias too. In short, it helps muscles get more oxygen.

I suddenly wondered if that had anything to do with my increased heart troubles of late. I took a few capsules and ran to the computer to do a quick Google research. In less than five minutes I discovered that taurine had been proven to eliminate many harmless arrhythmia's including PVCs!!! The doses were large 3-10grams a day. Taurine comes in 500mg capsules. I had never taken more than six capsules in a day. I was extremely excited about the news and hoped it would work for me. Before I went to my echocardiogram I took several more (for a total of 3 grams) and noticed that my pulse had increased to 6o but I still had many PVCs. I also left a message for my chiropractor so that I could get her advice.

During the echocardiogram I could see my abnormal rhythm and the associated pictures of my heart. Basically the structure of my heart was looking good. The last test was called a bubble test. We were able to see actual bubbles inside my left chambers. The test was for an atrial septal defect. When that part of my test was complete the demeanor of my technician changed completely. She'd been communicative, friendly, and interactive. Suddenly she shut down and sent me out. I hesitated long enough to ask her about it but she reminded me that she wasn't allowed to make any diagnoses. My stomach sank and filled with butterflies. I won't know for sure until the cardiology office communicates with my primary care...hopefully tomorrow he'll call us.

At this point I've had enough time to research adult ASDs and it seems to make sense, if it's true. If I have one, it should be repaired. I'm hoping that taking taurine will keep my heart rhythm regular until our baby is finished nursing. I took a few more taurine tonight and I'm having NO PVCs! Praise the Lord! I cannot wait to tell my (traditional) doctor that this supplement is working. And I am so thankful that my chiropractor sweetly advised me how to manage it.

Today I am thankful that my doctor insisted that I have the echocardiogram with the bubble study. He may have led us to the problem that has been bothering me for atleast twenty years. (Since it is congenital I would've actually had it for forty years) Traditional medicine will need to make the repair if my suspicions of the results are true. Alternative medicine will keep me strong until I'm ready and help me recover when it's over.

Well those are the facts of the day. The feelings...they are a different story for another day. But, God is still God no matter what path my life takes. We sang tonight during family worship:

Blessed Be Your Name
In the land that is plentiful
Where Your streams of abundance flow
Blessed be Your name

Blessed Be Your name
When I'm found in the desert place
Though I walk through the wilderness
Blessed Be Your name

Every blessing You pour out
I'll turn back to praise
When the darkness closes in, Lord
Still I will say

Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your name
Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your glorious name

Blessed be Your name
When the sun's shining down on me
When the world's 'all as it should be'
Blessed be Your name

Blessed be Your name
On the road marked with suffering
Though there's pain in the offering
Blessed be Your name

Every blessing You pour out
I'll turn back to praise
When the darkness closes in, Lord
Still I will say

chorus

You give and take away
You give and take away
My heart will choose to say
Lord, blessed be Your name